People say you show earlier in your second pregnancy. People say that you “pop” because your body knows exactly what to do the second time around. Fantastic I thought, because I showed early in my first pregnancy. So even though I mentally prepared myself, no amount of mental fortitude could have prepared me for this…
One day between my tenth and eleventh week (I had only told family and friends) a checkout girl at the grocery store asks me, “Ahhhhhh are you getting close?”
I was actually confused for a moment and then realized she was looking at my belly. I asked, “Close to the end?” She smiled and nodded, and I said “No I’m only ten weeks along, I’m barely past the beginning.”
In my pregnancy with Wyatt I got use to a lot of comments on how large my belly was, and to everyone’s credit it WAS shockingly big. He was a big baby and I carry more on the outside of my body than on the inside. I started wondering why people think pregnancy is an open invitation to say anything they want about a woman’s body. Maybe it’s because we as a culture are spending too much time playing Pokemon Go and Minecraft and have lost the ability to communicate like logical-empathetic-social creatures. We are carelessly commenting on social media and message boards without any responsibility or consequences for the stupidity being put out there. But as a pregnant woman I’m like one hormone level away from stabbing you with my fork for stealing my fries. I’m fighting giant cravings for donuts and Flaming Hot Cheetos as I drink down one more green smoothie for the health of my baby.
Thirty-eight weeks pregnant, walking through a market feeling amazing, a guy stands and looks terrified as I make eye contact with him. His brain melts into some overload of confusion and mush and I can see the wires short circuiting as he manages to push out the first comment that pops in his head, “You look so uncomfortable, are you carrying twins?”
Not even ten minutes later I walk into a restaurant and the manager comes over, chuckles and says, “Are we gonna have to call a nurse?”
Then walking back to my car across the street a scooter stops the guys lifts his visor, he smiles and yells out, “Are you in labor?”
I get it, it doesn’t usually bother me, but after around the sixth or so comment, my growing hunger and thirst on a hot July day, I now had two options in front of me: chuck my burrito at this dude on his lame ass scooter, or I could take to Instagram and see how many other women were experiencing the same thing as me. Since I paid an extra two dollars for that guacamole and my love for all things Mexican runs deep, I chose the latter.
The stories I read made me laugh at the absurdity. So many of them were the same comments I had been hearing. Some were just down right cruel. Some weren’t just comments on a women’s body, but on her choice to have children in general, or judgment on how she was planning to deliver.
All of which made me realize that some people see a pregnant woman as an open invitation to comment, judge, and touch her body if it suits them. Drumroll for the ridiculousness of…
The stupid shit people say to pregnant women.
@aurelynuts When people would hear I didn’t want an epidural, they’d laugh and say yeah right just wait you’ll be begging for it. It would make me so mad (I had 3 kids – 2 willingly with no epi – 3rd baby I had to for medical reasons.)
@mrswelke1 I’m 37 weeks pregnant with twins and someone asked me the other day how I could possibly fit behind the wheel of the car. It did not make me feel magical!
@briw_7 It never ceases to amaze me how many people think it’s ok to comment on a woman’s size just because they are pregnant. I’m due Aug 7th and aside from people asking me if I’m carrying twins or just saying “you look like you’re about to pop!” I recently had someone ask if my doctor messed up my due date since the baby is obviously big enough already…because you can tell that from looking at a pregnant woman. Hang in there mamas, you’re not alone!
@thislullaby05 “You’ve gotten huge”- one of my students after Christmas break
@amyelizabeth1017 After giving birth to my first daughter 14 years ago, I was so swollen and wanted to walk around the hospital bc i was uncomfortable sitting or laying down. A man asked me what I was in the hospital for and I told him I just had a baby. He told me I needed to be checked by the doctors again bc it looked like I still had three more in there! I was infuriated!
@thear_85 Oh. Second Child. Two years later. Walking around with my boy and somebody Said “again? Are you serious?” @swrightolsen
@margieville I had gestational diabetes and managed it like a champ with exercise and diet to the point that I lost weigh while the baby was gaining. It meant that I presented huge in front. I also had to eat 6 times a day. Lady at work walks up to me in the lunchroom and goes ‘are you sure you should be eating again…that baby is huge so you could probably stand to skip a meal’. Lucky for her someone else jumped in to redirect the convo before the hormones took over. Oh and my daughter was 6lbs 5oz when she was born.
@heatherkwood For some reason, during each of my 3 pregnancies, strangers felt the need to inform me about people they knew or heard of that had lost their baby in the womb or during labor!! WHO thinks this is ok to tell another PREGNANT person?!?😡😡👎🏽
@mamamorton Yep, I got that one. I also got @ 37 weeks pregnant as I walking out of a grocery store – (this person yelling across the parking lot, mind you) “ma’am, are you in labor?!” #stfu #NO #imjusthuge #iwaddle
@klynanne When I Pregnant with my third, while out with my two boys: “do you know what you’re having?” “Yes another boy!” “Oh, I’m sorry.” …I’m not! My three sons are awesome. 😉😄
@katie_harbour One of my favorites I got about 8 months in from a guy in passing, “Girl, are you pregnant? Oh my God. You’re beautiful.” “Thank you!” I said flattered and blushing continuing my stride. He replied with while watching me walk away, “Sexy mama for real, do you need a daddy for that baby?!” Needless to say I walked away even faster saying no, I’m married.
@sarah_j_j Going to a tea van in the local park (I’m English, it’s a thing!) and the woman joked about getting hot water and towels ready. When I told her not to worry, I was only 7 months, she replied ‘bloody hell, what you having? A baby elephant?!’……. 😡😯🐘
@longpre_s @swrightolsen how about when they actually put their hand on your belly [a complete stranger] and exclaim ‘oh that’s a big baby!’ ORRRR when someone you know sees you at 5ish months pregnant and says ‘well gracious you got big’ 🙄😝 just tell me I’m pretty and shut the heck up!!
@jennaschmalz I had 4 kids in just a week or so over a 5 year time frame and when I was pregnant with the 4th baby people would watch us walk in somewhere and count our kids and then say, “you do know how that happens don’t you?”. People are so stupid sometimes!
@julsey_wulsey On me saying I was having twins “oh you poor love, I’d DIE if they told me I was having twins”. 😱 really??? 2) On me saying I was having twins “rather you than me” – people are idiots at times 😜
@sarahjane706 “Wow, you look like you’re uncomfortable. I bet you’re done.” No shit, I feel like I am huge and am preparing to pop a baby out of my vag, but please, tell me how “uncomfortable and done” I look.
@alikay86 After finding out we were having boy “oh were you sad?” No, I was happy about my baby boy. My other 2 are pretty great. Also, people ask me if I’ve dilated yet. Yes, random stranger, let me describe my cervix to you.
@emily_puppymomma I’m 27weeks I’m already getting the “are you sure there’s just one in there?” Or “I better the second one is hiding!” Because yes at 27 weeks after 3 ultrasounds, many doctors appointments and a trip to he hospital, my magical non existent 2 baby is able to still hide… I think not 🙈
@lexi_lulu12 L&D nurse and mama to two here. I could write volumes on this topic! The best though? “You look huge. Maybe you should just ask for a C-section.” *** “Is it possible to push out a baby that looks that big?” ***** “You are going to have a terrible time in labor. I bet this will be your ‘one and done’ baby.” (Seriously! Baby’s grandpa said this last one!🙄) Ugh. Too many to write! You look beautiful, mama! Love the YZM site! Recommend it to patients all the time!
@mahreeahpee When I was pregnant, I was big and my feet were so swollen towards the end — I think the worse are, “Do you realize how big you are?!” Or when you’re 38 weeks, “Are you like three weeks overdue?!” 😑😑😝😝💕
@fsunala That’s gonna be a big baby! & Wow, another one already? & Your second…that’s enough, right? & Did you mean to have another one? & Aww, you look way bigger than ___ weeks! Thankfully I can’t remember any others but they seemed endless at the time. Best wishes!!
@totsk ugh…where do I start? “You’re blooming, it must be a boy” (I had a girl), “You’re huge and you have how many weeks to go?”, “Do you have a baby yet?” (asked everyday past my due date…I was induced two weeks late), “What if something goes wrong during the birth?”, “Your bump looks very small for __ weeks, I hope your baby is ok”. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy your little one when s/he arrives. xxx
@samanthaperrett I’m 38 weeks today with boy no.2 and bumping along nicely! When we found out we were having another boy my father in law said ‘oh never mind’ like I was disappointed that it wasn’t a girl! I have also had people say to me ‘are you going to keep trying until you have a girl’! I’m happy I’m having a beautiful baby that is enough for me #boysrock
@amyloveshedgehogs It’s bizarre that people think it’s acceptable to comment on a woman’s figure just because she’s expecting..I have had so many comments about my stomach area it’s ridiculous..people seem to think it’s original to say ‘are you sure there’s not two in there’ and even more rude comments about my bump being massive / huge etc. I have been tempted to say fuck off on several occasions!
@jessrega I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter when my husband took me to the fair because my desire for a funnel cake was really no joking matter. As we are walking through the midway, one of the carnival workers running a game booth gets on his loud speaker and yells, “Hey Lady! How many babies you got in there?! 10?!” 🙄😫 I left feeling like I must look like the Titanic…
@freespiritamor Or when people ask how far along am I and then starts telling me stories about a friend of a friend’s friend going into labor early….. 😣
@teresapalmer @samanthaperrett I had the same thing! When I responded “actually I wanted two little boys in a row, it’s always been my dream!” she actually didn’t believe me and said “you’ll just have to keep trying!!” Ugh. And you’re right #boysrock
@jamieleerat I just had my fourth baby (8th pregnancy; four miscarriages) in March. Some idiot told me that “it wasn’t my job to repopulate the earth, so why was I doing my damnedest to try and do so?” Some random stranger!!! 😡 Because he saw me out with my other three children while I was pregnant, and he felt the need to be an asshat?! Why?! My family can support them; we take great care of them, and they are abundantly loved. Why did he need to be a schmuck?! #stupidshitpeoplesaytopregnantwomen #myfamilymybusiness
For some women, when pregnant your body feels SO different, and none of your clothes fit. When you sit it can be uncomfortable and when you stand it can feel like a boulder is resting in your pelvis. Everything is changing and you won’t feel like you for some time. I really truly love being pregnant. Even in the uncomfortable moments or sleepless nights, I can’t stop smiling because I know what is coming. I get a lot of nice comments too and they make my day. When you feel tired, your face has hormone acne, your pregnancy pants that were supposed to last the whole time are now too tight, and someone walks by smiles and says, “Congratulations you are glowing,” It makes me feel so much better.
Thank you to everyone who contributed and thank you for all the love! I’m not sure we are gonna change the zombie-comedian-vomit-comment-monsters that lurk around every corner, but we can at least know we are not alone. Just try to picture them as malfunctioning robots, too short circuited to have a filter.