0, 1, 2 more by Sarah Turnball

I had heard a lot of parents who said going from 1-2 children was much harder than going from 0-2, I think they say after 4 it doesn’t matter how many you have once you’ve got 4 or more it just keeps the chaos going.

For myself as a mother of 2 I feel like the jump from 0-1 was much more challenging than I could have anticipated. You can think you’re prepared, and I like to prepare, but until I had a baby I had no idea what I was really getting into. I think the biggest challenge for me was the lack of sleep. I thought I knew tired, even from pregnancy and the lack of sleep in the 3rd trimester but nothing prepared me for how intense it really was. I think part of the exhaustion was from also recovering from such a traumatic birth but my son fed every hour, which only went to every 2 hours even at 6 months. His first full night sleeping through wasn’t until after his 1st birthday. 

Then there was also the small matter of trying to figure out how on Earth I was supposed to be a mum, what baby needed, what tricks and tips worked with him. There is no bigger learning curve than never having had a baby and being passed a newborn and sent home with a good luck and nothing more. 

I also found it really easy to fall into the trap of comparisons with other mums, online, ‘milestones,’ seeing someone say their baby was sleeping through at 3 months old, why wasn’t mine, they’re hungry, they need swaddled, they need routine, don’t hold them too much, put them in bed, don’t do this, don’t do that, it never stops. 

I actually found being a mum to two a lot easier than being a first time mum. It is such an individual emotional process. There is a 2 year, almost exactly, age gap between my son and daughter. Initially when my daughter was born I found the majority of the mum of 2 easy in that, I knew what to expect from my C Section, from procedure, management, pain, tricks to help and heal, the exhaustion of newborn, I knew what I was getting into. What I struggled with the most was nap time. 

When they were both needing a nap, both needing to be put down by me, both wanting to sleep at the same time, both needing time to settle while I wasn’t able to split myself in two so someone had to be upset while I tried tirelessly to settle the other without making them feel like I’d just abandoned them and run off to the other. I dangerously sunk into the notion if I could get them to both nap at the same time maybe I could too. The more I tried, the more I failed, the more exhausted I felt, the more overwhelmed I felt, the more I felt I struggled with having two. The minute I let that idea go, accepted my son was more likely needing to stop napping through the day altogether as he was struggling at bed time although I was tired I was less stressed trying to get them both to sleep at the same time. 

My son was never overly interested when his sister came along. It wasn’t until she was 6 months when there was a shift and what I thought had been an easier transition to 2 actually became easier again. They were both 6 months older, and suddenly he wanted to help with everything, which meant things were slower to get done but seeing him suddenly turn into the ‘big brother’ made my heart swell. It was the relationship I’d hoped for when my husband and I discussed having more than one child. A connection we’d both experienced, the permanent friend we’d both grown up knowing we always had. 

Yes we have days I feel like all I say is ‘gentle’ ‘carefully’ ‘she’s a bit little’ but he loves helping when it comes time for nappy changes, sharing his bath time, eating together and now that his understanding has grown so has my ability to juggle them both better. 

Personally the jump from a mum of one to two was also easier in that I have more confidence in myself as a mother. I have tried and tested things that have worked for me as a mother, I have ideas of what to try in situations I don’t feel like I’m always drowning looking for an answer but most importantly I trusted my instincts. As a mother to MY children I know what to do, how to do it, what is best for them. Other people may not agree, do things differently, prefer other techniques but unless they are the mother to my children and spend 24/7 with my children their ways may work for them but doesn’t mean it does for us. 

I have a friend who had her 2nd baby 8 days after I had my daughter and she has had a different experience altogether being a mum of 2 and has found aspects a lot harder. The point is, no matter your situation, your best intentions, no one can do you but you. On the surface both my children are the same as in, same mum, same dad, relatively same pregnancies and experiences and yet as babies they couldn’t be more different in challenges, likes, preferences and ‘parenting hacks’. 

I think the point to remember is, no one really knows what they’re doing, no one really knows how they will manage in any situation until you’re in it. Find support if you can get it, a way to manage the chaos and just keep going. We only have babies for such a short time and although some days it can feel like forever before we know it they’ve reached a new milestone without knowing that the ‘last time’ they did something was going to be their last time. At the end of the day, you’ve got this mama!

I live in the UK, and am a 30-year-old stay-at-home mum of 2. I live with my husband of 10 years, my 2-year-old son and my 9-week-old baby girl. I became a stay-at-home mum after my maternity with my son due to covid but that was the best blessing as I get to spend every day raising my beautiful babies and watching them wonder at the world. My days are currently spent learning how to juggle an ever-inquisitive toddler and a newborn.