Dada Love! How Dad Can Be Helpful by Jenna Pennrose
Image by Electric Art
Does your man need help seeing the light and need some tips on how to transform into a fantastic father and supportive partner?
The “mama/baby zone” can be daunting and confusing for your typical male. Men are used to thinking with their linear mental processes, and the emotional minefield of parenthood can sometimes feel overwhelming to the dada, causing some form of retreat and drama. Our Question: HOW CAN DADA HELP?
Here are 6 ideas that can help a man move from unconscious bachelor to wise papa bear:
1. Open his Heart/ Think from the Heart- Men are apt (and conditioned) to think logically with the head. Women (as a general statement) think with the heart-based emotional intelligence. These two forms of intelligence can work SO well together (in a yin/yang balance). However, they can also lead to stress and perpetual misunderstanding. When you are a new father trying to succeed at matters of the heart, it is best to think from the heart. Your (female) partner will likely be operating from the heart space, so it will be harmonious to join her there for both of you and the baby. If you feel like your heart is closed, do yoga (heart-opening poses), meditation and therapy to open your heart. There is no better time than now.
2. Step In-Whether it be because he is completely clueless or because mama micromanages, sometimes daddy just doesn’t seem to take things into his own hands when it comes to helping with the immediate task at hand. Nothing makes mama happier than to see a man who strongly scaffolds her nest by taking care to help her in the moment. This is a great idea for any man trying to make things better at home. If you see your kid screaming, pick him up and take him on an airplane ride around the room. If you see your wife struggling with groceries, step in to ease her load.
3. Schedule in What Mama Needs- Using clear requests, talk openly about what things mama needs to feel good, well and balanced everyday, and then schedule in the appropriate measures to follow through. This is a way men can use their linear and logical brains to help ease mama’s life. When there are agreed upon, clear acts of service for dad to execute on the regular, mama doesn’t feel like a nag, and dad doesn’t have to be a mind reader. (For example, dad can be expected to take the baby for a morning walk so mama can shower)
4. Respect Mama’s Intuition- Female intuition (especially around motherhood, parenting, babies and their own children) is very very strong. This has likely been developed for evolutionary purposes, and is a force that should not be reckoned with. Always use your female’s intuition as gold, and fiercely back her up when the need arises. Be on her team and watch her blossom.
5. Declare Appreciation- Men are used to getting compensated for their work. They go out and work all day (traditionally) and bring home the bacon in the form of dollars and cents. Women, on the other hand (traditionally) are used to working for nothing in return. As wives as mothers, sisters and aunts, we give our hard work and love (cooking food, teaching children, bending over backwards to fill everyone’s needs). Women have not gotten paid for these efforts, and for this reason, sometimes women find it hard to value themselves. Show your woman value in appreciation. When you see her giving hard work forth, value it with your appreciation and affirm her by mentioning it.
6. Speak Mama’s Love Language Fluently-Everyone has a way that they like to be shown love. Whether it be through physical touch, spoken affirmations, or acts of helpfulness, there are different ways that people show their love and need to be shown love in order to feel fully fulfilled. Know your partner’s love language and speak it fluently. Make sure they’re getting that form of affirmation in their daily lives.
Hopefully these 6 tips will help you find it a little easier to help the lady in your life.
Jenna Pennrose is a podcaster, blogger and co-founders at The Mother Loving Future. She is a philosopher and lyricist born in Los Angeles. She earned her BA in Philosophy (American University of Paris), and MA in Anthropology (King’s College London). She is married to Jesse and they have two children, Milo and Maisy. Jenna gets excited about thinking outside the box, ancient temples, color, esoteric information, repeated numbers, catchy melodies and beats, good triumphing over darkness.