Saved by the Midwife by Talia Pollock

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz

10 months after having our son, my husband and I decided to move closer to family and take on completely new vocations. We worked in a large teaching hospital as clinicians then, due to rumors of a more flexible schedule/family friendly lifestyle, we switched to academia in a town closer to my mother in law. Seemed like a great plan...

Our son was diagnosed with several food allergies, was only sleeping 90 minutes at a time and we were adjusting to entirely new surroundings. I was so easily angered and frustrated with my child and husband. I developed irrational fears regarding the safety of my child and family. I lost 15 pounds and my marriage was suffering. I resented being a mother because it seemed to completely overshadow who I was. I couldn’t distinguish myself from the role of “mother.” It was all-consuming and I was sinking. This went in for almost 2 years. 

During a routine women’s health check up, the midwife noticed things were not quite right. When she made the diagnosis I said “no way, my child is 2.5 years old!” She went on to explain how post partum depression really works and how it typically manifests in anxiety (versus the major depressive symptoms we all see in the media associated with PPD). I sat in her office dumbfounded. I’m a healthcare provider and had no idea. It all began to make sense. The sleep deprivation, irrational fears and irritability. I cried with relief. Finally, I had a reason for why I felt the things I felt. 

She offered medication but I declined. I knew a lot of what was going on was situational. I loathed my job as a professor, wasn’t very active and wasn’t eating enough. Clearly that wasn’t Helping. So, I quit my teaching job and went back to seeing patients. I found a counselor, dietician and made time for exercise. I was amazingly fortunate to have access to all those resources. 

After a couple of months, I felt a lot better but was still prone to the irritability and irrational fears. I went back to my midwife and said “ok, I need the drugs.” She prescribed a low dose of Zoloft. Initially I didn’t feel much. It made me sleepy. But, after about a month at the full dose, I felt pretty good. The medication, in combination with lifestyle/behavioral changes absolutely saved my life. I was going to a very dark place. I owe my quality of life and possibly my life itself to her.