7 Helpful Strategies to Silence Food Shamers During the Holidays by Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy.D.
The holiday season is often called “the most wonderful time of the year” because it’s a time of joy and celebration. Yet, for many, the season also increases anxiety and stress over food and body image. This is intensified by food shaming.
Food shaming manifests in seemingly innocent comments about portion sizes, food choices, or physical appearance. When others judge or criticize our eating habits, it often leads to guilt, shame, and insecurity. Over time, food shaming erodes our self-esteem and can also undermine our trust in relationships.
If you brace yourself before family gatherings, worrying about judgmental glances or unsolicited comments, here are empowering strategies to stop food shamers from stealing your holiday spirit:
1. Prepare for Potential Encounters
Before attending holiday gatherings, prepare yourself with these strategies:
Anticipate potential triggers: Think about past experiences and identify situations or specific individuals who cause food-related anxiety.
Practice self-compassion: Your worth is not determined by what you eat or how much you weigh; you deserve to enjoy the holidays without worrying about unsolicited comments.
Set boundaries: Decide how you'll respond to unwanted comments or situations, by using one of the following approaches.
2. Use Humor
Humor is a powerful tool to diffuse tense situations. A lighthearted response can shift the focus away from food and body talk. For instance, if someone asks, "Do you really need to eat that?" you can respond, "No, I don't need it. But I sure want it. Is there a problem?"
3. Deflect and Redirect
Another effective strategy is to deflect food-shaming comments and redirect the conversation. For example, if someone comments about the food on your plate, you simply change the subject, "How have you been lately?” or “Any plans for the new year?”
4. Set Clear Boundaries
Another strategy is to clearly address inappropriate comments such as, “You might think about hitting the gym more next year,” or, “I’m only bringing this up because I’m worried about your health.” In response, firmly state, "I'm not discussing what I'm eating or how much I weigh. Period."
5. Reframe Your Relationship with Food
The holidays are also an excellent opportunity to cultivate a healthier relationship with food. Challenge food morality: there are no “good” or “bad” foods. All foods can fit into a balanced diet, so you’re not “good” if you have salad or “bad” if you eat pumpkin pie, Christmas cookies, or Hanukkah gelt.
Since we want what we think we cannot have, deprivation or the anticipation of deprivation fuels overeating. Instead, give yourself unconditional permission to enjoy holiday treats without guilt. This helps prevent overdoing those forbidden foods.
6. Address Body Image Concerns
Holiday food shaming often intersects with body image issues. Here are some strategies to maintain a positive body image when you don’t feel great about your weight or appearance:
Wear comfortable clothes: Choose outfits that make you feel good and comfortable no matter what size the label is.
Practice encouraging self-talk: Counter negative thoughts with affirming statements about your worth and challenging weight biases.
7. Support Others
If you notice someone else being food-shamed, consider stepping in:
Change the subject: Redirect the conversation to a neutral topic.
Offer support: Check in with the person privately to see if they’re okay.
Model positive behavior: Avoid shaming yourself for what you eat or how you look
Recognize that food shaming often stems from the shamer’s personal insecurities and struggles or their need to control other people.
The Bigger Picture
The holidays are about connection, love, and celebration. By focusing on these aspects of the season, you can create meaningful experiences that go beyond what's on your plate.
You have the right to enjoy your holidays without judgment or shame. By preparing yourself, setting boundaries, and focusing on what truly matters, you can navigate food shaming gracefully and confidently, and feel good about yourself through the holiday season and beyond.
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin is a renowned author and podcast host and one of the nation’s leading psychoanalysts known for the psychology of eating. Her signature message, “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating ‘at’ you,” has resonated with hundreds of thousands of listeners from around the globe in 57 countries. As founder of The Binge Cure Method, she guides emotional eaters to create lasting food freedom so they can take back control of their lives and feel good in their bodies.