5 tips to help you co-parent peacefully by Marguerite Poole
In a world where split families are becoming more of the norm than the exception, parents are being forced to navigate challenging territory with shared custody and different rules and expectations at the other home.
In the United States 35-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce (https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state). Understandably, there are a large portion of these breakups that would impact children, so how is the best way we can move forward co-parenting peacefully, I hear you saying?
1. Children can adapt. The most important thing to understand here, is that children have the ability to adapt. They adapt to school rules versus what is acceptable at home and likewise they can adapt to two households with different expectations.
2. Let go of your need to control. Another important factor to accept is that you can’t control what happens in the other household. Your relationship ended as there would have been things you couldn’t agree on. You have no right to tell your ex what they can or can’t do, let them live their own life. Provided your child/ren are safe, find a peace with not being able to influence how your co-parent parents.
3. Let go of your hurt. When a relationship breaks down, there is anger, hurt and often resentment. No one enters into a relationship and parenthood, wanting everything to fail. So, when it does just that, do the healing you need in order to release the pain. Any anger you continue to carry toward you ex, can and will be felt by your child/ren. They will ultimately suffer. And don’t ever lower yourself to using your children to get back at your ex. This is childish behaviour and could risk your own relationship with your children.
4. Keep communication lines open and respectful. This may mean using email or a specialised split home app to document conversations and what is going on with the child/ren. Put your own stuff aside and focus on the needs of the children. They should always come first. The only two areas you need to find common ground with your ex are on how your children’s education and health issues are managed.
5. Have fun! Children want to feel loved, understood and they want to have fun! Post a relationship breakdown we can spiral into a period of depression. Again, put the needs of your children foremost and enjoy your time with them. Create memories and know that this doesn’t have to be expensive to do. Your children don’t need the latest toy or grand adventures to theme parks. All they crave is your time and attention. Cook together, have a dance party in the living room, start new traditions and get outdoors into the fresh air. These are the occasions the children will remember fondly.
Families separating is a real phenomenon in today’s climate, and as we feel more pressures, this trend is likely going to continue increasing. It’s not about preparing yourself for if it happens, rather responding maturely to the situation should you find yourself in it. Seek help, do the healing and keep looking forward, after all that’s the way you’re headed.
With a belief that everything happens for a reason, Nicola trusts that we are given all we need to be able to handle any situation life throws at us. As a qualified Nutritionist, Spiritual counsellor and Parenting coach, Marguerite is a devoted mum who values family and commitment. She is committed to providing others the very best possible care in order to achieve true wellness, so that they too can live the life they dream of.
Website: wholisticalignment.com.au
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