Bursting Our (Baby) Bubble
Ahhhh the baby bubble. A joy-filled, exhausting, long, demanding, emotional and beautiful time of a woman’s life, where night and day become intertwined and you have never felt so alive and full of love, yet simultaneously so tired, confused and alone.
You ask yourself, have people really done this before me? How can something so magically transformational happen to thousands of people every day and it not be front page news?!
It is true that the baby bubble can be a time of bliss and contentment never experienced before, however for many the postpartum period can be the most difficult experience of their lives. Many new mothers grapple with the intense physical and psychological challenges that come hand-in-hand with recovering from birth and caring for a tiny human; who happens to have needs around the clock and is completely on their own schedule.
One thing is for sure though, whether your baby bubble was blissful or shi*tful, you wake up one day and don’t know who you are anymore – all you know for certain is that you are irrevocably changed. The woman who (limped, wheeled or crawled!) into that baby bliss bubble is not the same woman who leaves it. Not even close.
So what does that mean for your career?
Often the paid job that you may have been enjoying and perhaps found hard to leave before baby suddenly seems silly and inconsequential compared to the importance of nurturing this little human that you birthed into the world. For others, the lure of a few hours where you can quietly sip your tea while it’s still hot and interact with other adults who happen to be toilet trained and don’t need constant shushing and settling, is just too powerful to resist.
What I have noticed amongst my own friends and also in my work with Mums as a Career Coach is that no mother is immune to the paralyzing cognitive dissonance that comes with the ‘when should I go back to work question.’
There is a myriad of factors that play into this decision and it is one of the toughest things a new mum has to navigate. One of the most important factors (and ironically the one that often gets overlooked) is are you ready? There are four areas that I feel Mums should focus on before they think about heading back to work:
Emotional check – are you emotionally ready to leave your precious bundle of joy? Does your umbilical cord stretch that far yet? I remember when I first went back to work I left a four page instruction list for the poor Nanny, no wonder she looked so bewildered on her first day! And when I found out that my child’s grandparents had taken him to the zoo for the first time, I bawled. If you don’t feel you are emotionally ready to hand the care of your baby over to someone else or to potentially miss out on important milestones, see whether there might be some other options until you are.
Confidence check – many of the Mums I meet through career coaching are lacking the confidence to rejoin the workforce. Whether they have been out of the workforce for weeks, months or years - there is often a confidence deficit that is holding them back. Part of re-building your confidence is remembering who you were before children. Write down all the skills, strengths and attributes that friends, family and previous colleagues have highlighted in you. Also think about all the skills that you have built or honed in motherhood – multi-tasking, negotiation skills, resilience, stamina and productivity to name a few! You know what they say, if you want something done – ask a busy Mother!
Career Check – with motherhood being such a transformational experience, it is important to look at your career and ask yourself if it is still truly where you want to be. If you are going to be away from your children, you want to make sure it is for good reason. Of course sometimes we have to work for the pay-check and it is ok for that to be the primary reason, but if you have the option to reassess this is a great time to do it. Think about your values and how they have shifted since you have become a mother. Often when career coaching with mums we talk about the Japanese concept of ‘Ikigai’ which can be translated to ‘Reason for Being’. This is what you get up for every morning. It is what gives your life purpose and meaning. To find your Ikigai, think about:
What are you good at?
What can you be paid for?
What does the world need?
What do you love?
What are your values?
Finding a career that is meaningful to you will make it all the easier to leave in the mornings.
Logistics check – of course the logistics are the key enabler to making this all work. Do you have care options you are comfortable with, how many days are you wanting to work and what hours will suit your schedule? Does the work-space have a breastfeeding room? Get all this clear before you start negotiating with your employer and stay firm - even one more hour at the end of the day to be able to spend with your child can really be the difference between enjoying work, or resenting it.
No matter when you decide to return to work, it will always be an emotionally turbulent time. You will have days where you will skip into work and days that you will cry in the bathroom. Be compassionate with yourself and know that it will become easier. In time, you may even come to realize that being a great mother and having a meaningful and fulfilling career don’t have to be mutually exclusive. You’ve got this mamas!
Emily Manley is a Career Coach who works with a lot of mamas (and some papas!) helping them find work that is meaningful to them. You can find Emily on Instagram at @relaunchmecareerconsulting or on her website relaunchme.com.au