Decoding Happiness: 5 Steps to be Successful and Happy by Amy Eliza Wong
Many of us chase the idea of success, believing it holds the key to happiness. But often, the pursuit itself becomes fraught with anxiety, fear of judgment, overwhelm, and a constant need to prove oneself. This is a common phenomenon for anyone working hard to live the good life. Why wouldn’t that next big achievement finally bring the lasting joy we crave?
As much as we’d all like to believe that the next promotion is where it’s at, the truth is that true success and happiness are intertwined and stem from nurturing a strong sense of self and living in alignment with one's values. Stepping off the treadmill and achieving a sense of freedom, inner peace, and joy require us to shift our effort in a different way. Here are five steps to be both successful and happy:
1. Embrace Authenticity and Let Go of Comparison
In a world where social media reigns supreme, it’s hard to forget that the “comparison habit” is a joy-killer. When we measure ourselves against others, we inevitably find ourselves lacking. Constant comparison fuels self-doubt and prevents us from recognizing our inherent worth. Instead, try focusing on cultivating a deep understanding and acceptance of your values, passions, and aspirations. When we show up as our genuine selves, we create deeper connections with others, unlock creativity, and experience greater fulfillment.\
2. Silence Your Inner Critic and Embrace Your Inner Champion
The battle we entertain with our inner critic is exhausting. When the voice in our heads tells us we're not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough it wears us down and saps our motivation. Negative self-talk stems from our primal need to belong and avoid rejection, leading to the development of "false limiting beliefs" that hold us back. But you can counteract these limiting beliefs, and instead cultivate a positive inner dialogue - recognize your accomplishments, celebrate your strengths, and practice self-compassion. Replace "should" statements, which imply an external standard you're failing to meet, with "I will" statements that empower you to take ownership of your choices and actions.
3. Reframe Resistance as a Catalyst for Growth
Resistance—to change, to challenges, to uncomfortable emotions—is a natural part of life. But resisting reality only amplifies our suffering. By shifting our perspective, we can transform resistance into a catalyst for growth. Instead of avoiding discomfort, lean into it with curiosity. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, allowing yourself to fully experience them for 90 seconds in order to fully integrate the experience. This process of acknowledging and integrating allows you to move forward with greater clarity and purpose.
4. Prioritize Experiences that Spark Joy and Cultivate Stillness
A life solely focused on achieving external goals can lead to burnout and a lack of fulfillment. Instead of solely pursuing telic activities—those done for the sake of achieving an end goal—incorporate more atelic activities into your life. These are activities done for the pure joy of the experience itself—spending time in nature, pursuing a hobby, connecting with loved ones, or simply being present in the moment. Prioritizing stillness, as challenging as it might seem, can be incredibly powerful in connecting with your true self and experiencing deeper fulfillment.
5. Align Your Goals with Your Desired Feeling State
Instead of chasing after things you think will make you happy, identify the feeling you're ultimately seeking and align your goals accordingly. Ask yourself, "What feeling am I hoping to experience as a result of achieving this goal?" Once you've identified the desired feeling—whether it's joy, freedom, connection, or a sense of purpose—let that feeling guide your actions and choices. Remember, everything you want is ultimately for a feeling, not a thing. Embrace this truth and watch as success and happiness naturally unfold.
The journey to success and happiness is an ongoing process, a life practice that requires consistent effort and self-awareness. By embracing authenticity, silencing your inner critic, reframing resistance, prioritizing the present moment, and aligning your goals with your desired feelings, you can create a life of greater purpose, fulfillment, and ease. Remember, true success is not about external validation but about living in alignment with your values and experiencing genuine joy in the journey.
Amy Eliza Wong is the founder of Always On Purpose®. As a leadership expert, author, and speaker, she collaborates with organizations, like Salesforce and LinkedIn, to provide transformative leadership development and communication strategies. A certified coach in Conversational Intelligence®, Amy combines principles from transpersonal psychology, interpersonal neurobiology, and mindfulness to help executives achieve flow and impact. Her book, "Living On Purpose," won the 2022 Book of the Year award by The Magic Pen.