My Journey with PCOS and Pregnancy by Megan Phizacklea
I’ve always suffered from body confidence issues, right from a little girl around our family pool, I would run to the edge in a towel and climb out only when everyone had turned away. After having my son Fred, I dropped a lot of weight quickly, and gradually I started to feel more confident about my ‘new’ body. 6 years ago I lost my periods altogether after years of irregular periods but it wasn’t until they disappeared that I realized something was wrong. Friends had always spoken about irregular periods so I just gathered that this was the norm. Half a year or so in with still no period, I really started to panic. I booked an appointment with my GP that then referred me to see a Gynaecologist which later confirmed, I like many others, had PCOS syndrome. At first, I just felt relieved to know what it was that caused my periods to go like they did but over time, still with no period in sight, it really started to affect my mental health. After my firstborn, I had always felt desperate for more children so the idea of my periods not returning and consequently becoming infertile was terrifying. My GP tried several options with different meds (Metformin, a contraceptive pill) to encourage my period to come but I felt as though I became reliant on drugs to encourage my body to do something that most women would do naturally and it just didn’t sit right with me.
I purchased a book called Natural Solutions for PCOS by Marilyn Glenville and started to do my own research on how I can improve my PCOS syndrome naturally through diet, exercise, and sleep. PCOS can be a nasty syndrome to live with and I really felt like the awareness and information were difficult to find unless you did your own research. Some of the main factors are gaining weight and struggling to maintain a healthy weight, hair growth (mainly facial hair) due to the increased amounts of male hormones in your body, and of course infertility. By now I was suffering from all 3. My weight, although I exercised regularly, ate healthily and gave up alcohol to help, would still constantly catch me out - I used to feel so envious of other girls being able to eat and drink as they wished, instead I felt riddled with anxiety over what I should and shouldn’t let touch my lips and gradually I started to reject invites to go out and socialize. The hair! Gosh this wasn’t nice at all, suddenly I started to sprout thick dark hairs above my top lip, chin and neck but not understand why or how to stop it from getting worse, then of course, the fears of not being able to fall pregnant again. This struggle went on for years. In my mind and from the research I’d learned, one of the biggest factors to PCOS and the risks of it getting worse is gaining weight, so naturally I became obsessed and often very self-critical.
This escalated into an eating disorder that took over my life for the following 2 years. Bulimia had started. I stopped going out and seeing my friends because the idea of having to eat a meal felt too overwhelming and stressful. My relationship took a good whack and generally I felt like I’d lost myself and my mind. Things had never felt darker. I knew that the bulimia was making my PCOS worse, in fact, it could have been the main reason why even after losing the weight I thought I needed to lose, my periods were still not there but it’s difficult to see when things feel so cloudy. A couple of years past by, during this time I started to see a therapist who was helping me through this difficult time. We soon realized that it wasn’t just my PCOS causing the bulimia but many factors came back to my childhood too. The feeling of being out of control was the hardest battle to contend with but eventually, I got myself together again. I stopped being sick, tried to regain a healthy relationship with food, and a few months later.... my first period in 3 years came. It felt like Christmas.
2 years on, a new healthy relationship and a settled life did so many wonders for me. My partner is totally understanding of the anxiety I had from my eating disorder and worries of infertility. We met 18 months ago and it was love at first sight. We were engaged just 9 months in and set to marry this April 2020 over the Easter weekend in a beautiful Manor House in the countryside. Life felt amazing and the wedding plans couldn’t have gone more smoothly. We planned to marry then try straight away for a baby. We were heading off to the Maldives for our honeymoon... the perfect spot to fall in love all over again and try to conceive. I loved the idea of this but reality is... when you have PCOS, it’s not always as easy as you may wish. In fact, the many groups I followed on Facebook were full of desperate women asking for help and sharing their struggle stories of pregnancy. I tried to stay positive but my PCOS always felt like the elephant in the room.
Last November I went to see my Gynaecologist for a scan on my ovaries and to see if I could get him to shed some light on my PCOS and my hopes of another child. As I feared, my cysts were still there and appeared to be worse than my last scan 2 years previously... but this time I didn’t feel scared. My periods were back, I was in control of my weight and relationship food, plus I was about to marry someone that loved me whether I could have more children or not... and like anything in life, there is always someone out there struggling more than you so just stay positive and believe that everything happens for a reason.
March soon came around, both our hen and stag weekends were out the way and we were full of butterflies for the big day. Midway through our last month as fiancés, COVID hit the nation like a tonne of bricks and along with it was our beautifully planned wedding. ‘Can this really be happening..?!’ we said to ourselves. It was a big wedding with 180 guests so we knew we needed to make a decision to cancel, but stupidly we didn’t take out any wedding insurance and needed the venue to postpone our special day for us. That week (commencing the 13th) Government changes were happening thick and fast, come Friday the 16th, the Church of England made an announcement to cancel all church weddings bigger than the bride and groom and the following day the Government followed and announced all weddings must be canceled until further notice. ‘Well’ we said... ‘that can’t be a sign of good luck!’. We tried not to take it too hard on ourselves, after all it couldn’t be helped and most importantly we still had each other.
That evening and 2 days previously (when I come to think about it), I started to feel a little nauseous. Maybe it was just stress and my mind being overloaded with wedding drama. Then I suddenly thought, hang on.. I’m nearly a week late with my period, is this stress causing them to disappear again?? I felt totally deflated. I’d dedicated the last 2 years to myself and my health, still not a drinker of alcohol, I exercised 3-4 times a week, ate healthily, and went to bed early. I was constantly educating myself of natural remedies to overcome health issues, especially PCOS, when I finally thought I’d nailed it and all naturally without medication too - one stressful week and my body has a paddy and I’m back in that dark cloud of anxiety.
But this time I was wrong. In fact, this time I couldn’t have been any further from the reality of what was about to hit us. The greatest gift of all was given to us on the very same day our wedding fell apart.... and all of a sudden, absolutely nothing else mattered in the world, wedding who?!! I was 2 weeks pregnant!
The world around changed from this day forward. I felt like super woman. After so many years of anxiety, issues with my weight and feeling like a lost sheep, everything I’d worked so hard for was growing inside my tummy like a little rainbow at the end of a grey stormy day. I cured my own fears by staying committed to myself and giving my body its best possible chance. I also just want to add, that we only tried once. One night, very close to our wedding, we decided to relax with contraception and warm things up for our honeymoon... well this one night is certainly one I’ll never forget.
Now 6 months pregnant, I want to share my story because I think it’s so important to spread awareness of PCOS but also spread some positivity to those mamas-to-be finding their journey a struggle. I feel your pain and I know how scary it can be. I’ve also learnt that PCOS can be helped if you’re able to take control yourself too. I know in many cases medication is absolutely necessary but if you’re able to help by giving yourself the time to exercise regularly, cut down on alcohol (sugars can be the devil for your insulin levels which then affect hormone balance), maintain a healthy weight (I found yoga and walking amazing for my mind and body) then we can all have a chance like I did.
