The 5 Essential Pillars to Raise a Healthy Mother by Tasha D'Cruz
How to RESET your motherhood and find calm in the chaos - so you can finally embrace and enjoy being a mother.
Over the past 5 years I've helped mums improve their health and get more energy. I've helped pregnant mums understand what's needed for a healthy pregnancy, a powerful labour and a restful postpartum. I've taught newborn mums how to breastfeed and the importance of being relaxed for a successful breastfeeding experience.
And during that time, I've come to realise that there are five pillars that need to be in balance to see the transformation I know you're looking for. The calm to cope with tantrums and sibling rivalries, the energy to get up and run around with your children at play, the true presence so you can soak in every single minute, the confidence to deal with whining and clinginess with kindness.
I know this because as a mother of two under 5, the same is true of me.
Without these 5 pillars in place, I realised I couldn't help my clients make lasting changes:
We'd talk about nutritious breakfasts but they could barely keep their eyes open to start scrambling eggs
We'd add in supplements but they'd forgot to take them
We'd discuss mindful eating but they were too caught up in their toddler's fussy eating to care
We'd both become frustrated that they didn't have the time, energy or headspace to maintain the changes I suggested.
Without stripping things back to basics, I was just adding to the overwhelm, cementing the feeling of 'what's the point, I'll just wait until they've started school and I can finally have some time for all of this!'
The 5-pillar process I've developed forms the core of my work with mothers and is the foundation on which I believe a truly flourishing motherhood is built.
Whether you're a new mother navigating postpartum recovery, or you have 3 under 3 and still can't believe you haven't got your life sorted, coming back to these 5 pillars will help you to reset and re-focus on what's important in your motherhood right now.
Here are the 5 pillars and why each one is essential to navigate the storm towards clearer, calmer waters:
Rhythms
Most of us go through our days expecting to have the same amount of energy, no matter what the challenges are. And we get frustrated when at certain times of the day, month or year we feel totally burnt out, exhausted and out of enthusiasm.
But have you ever stopped to wonder whether this ebb and flow of energy is natural? That we have an inescapable rhythm to our days, months and years that we could use to our advantage?
Rhythm governs three aspects of time:
Rhythm of the day
Rhythm of the month and the menstrual cycle
Rhythm of the year and the seasons
If you don't spend time understanding how these rhythms affect you then you get sucked into the day-to-day minutiae of busyness, reacting immediately to what needs doing - and then feeling depleted at certain times of the day, weeks of the month and months of the year.
Eat
As mothers we often go into pregnancy low in many nutrients. And then pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding further deplete us because nutrition for baby is prioritised at the expense of what we need as mothers.
Beyond that, we are expected to raise our babies without a tribe. And so we are sleep-deprived, stressed out and feel the weight of societal expectations to be the perfect mother, lose weight, keep house and have a high-flying career.
All within the context of deep nutrient depletion.
Putting your nutritional needs first means you get sustainable and reliable sources of energy so you don't burnout by 4 o'clock feeling hangry as you throw another beige meal in the oven for your children while you make your way through a packet of biscuits.
By prioritising yourself – nourishing your brain, your gut, your immune system and your soul – you nourish your whole family.
Sleep
Sleep is essential. Without enough sleep, we are sluggish, forgetful, quick to anger and easily overwhelmed. We are more likely to make poorer food choices, struggle to stop eating and feel hungrier more often. And we're more susceptible to infection.
So it's no wonder you're feeling the way you are if your children are waking through the night.
What if you put as much importance on your sleep as you do your child's sleep? This means getting to bed early, giving yourself time to wind down and having a calming, predictable bedtime ritual that makes you feel safe and relaxed.
Focusing on you sleep means you're more likely to feel rested enough to have the headspace later to take time out for yourself. In a way that doesn't involve doom-scrolling on Instagram until 11.30pm.
Exercise
This is one of the most elusive pillars for most mums – including me.
It's hard to find time for exercise at the best of times, and even more so when you're not getting enough sleep and you're low in energy.
But this pillar can kick-start the other pillars. Exercise releases dopamine, the happy chemical, which makes us feel good and encourages us to do more things that feel good. So once exercise becomes routine, you'll make better food choices, sleep more soundly, prioritise the time for it and notice the time of the day and month that is best for exercise.
For me, regular exercise was the catalyst to finally making sense of myself in motherhood and eventually led me to develop these 5 pillars.
And from a healthy ageing point of view, you gradually start losing flexibility, bone density and muscle mass in your mid-30s, leading to increased risk of fractures later on in life.
With exercise the old cliche is true – the best time to start was 10 years ago. The next best time to start is now.
Time for Me
We end with the hardest pillar of all.
Because while you know in theory how you want to respond to the challenges of motherhood, and you know in theory that to do this you need to take a little time out, nourish yourself and sleep enough respond calmly to challenges, in reality, it's all you can do to make yourself a cup of coffee first thing in the morning.
And yet, of all the five pillars, this is the most essential. Because without it we cannot make good decisions about whether to start that exercise routine, what to eat, how to resist the temptation to doom-scroll. Much less notice how your body feels throughout the day, month and year.
Time for Me might look like taking five conscious breaths while feeding your toddler to sleep. Or protecting a 10-minute tea break every morning. Or going out for a morning walk a few times a week.
Most importantly, it starts with having the confidence to say 'no' to others and 'yes' to yourself.
RESET Your Motherhood
From my experience working with mums, you cannot do all 5 pillars at once. But when you start making one small change, it paradoxically helps you make space for another small change, and another, and another.
Which pillar do you need the most? Here's a recap with some questions to help you evaluate them; for each pillar, rate how good you feel about them (1 = not good; 10 = awesome).
Rhythm. How in tune do you feel with your body on a daily and monthly basis? How much attention do you pay to the changing seasons?
Eat. Do you notice how your body reacts to certain foods, physically, mentally and emotionally? Do you feel like you're catching every cough and cold going?
Sleep. How refreshed do you feel when you wake up in the morning? How easy is it to fall asleep and stay asleep? Do you rely on caffeine and sugar to keep you awake in the daytime?
Exercise. How easy is it to carry your children? Do you feel stiff in the mornings? Does the thought of exercising make you feel exhausted?
Time for Me. How regularly do you get time alone? Do you have hobbies or interests away from your children and family? Do you feel guilty when you relax?
Once you have your score, assess which pillar you need to focus on. What small step can you take today to make a change?
To get more ideas on small step changes you can make to your everyday routine, you can download my free guide 10 Daily Strategies to Unlock More Energy (even if you have a toddler!). I take you from morning to night with some of those small steps that can snowball over time. I promise, these are not huge grand gestures that will take you all day to start - I suggest small tweaks to what you're probably already doing so you can get energised all day, no matter what your children throw at you!
Tasha D'Cruz is a nutritional therapist, natural chef and mindful breastfeeding supporter. She uses her 5 pillar Motherhood RESET Method to help exhausted mums in the first 5 years of motherhood find the energy and calm to parent confidently, without shouting at their toddler, sleep-training their baby or spending hours in the kitchen so they can finally enjoy day-to-day motherhood.
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