The Growing Baby and Evolving Mama – Identity in Motherhood by Adrianna Pearce

I wanted to write an article about identity in motherhood, but the enormity of the task almost rendered me speechless, well should I say wordless...it is such a subjective and personal topic. How can I write an article about identity when not everyone is going to relate? When everyone’s experiences and thoughts are so very different?

So I decided to write about the constant evolution of self. Now before you think I am talking to crystals and smoking sage, it is not a hippy, self-help article. It is more free thoughts on the massive role of identity and how it can shift when we become parents, from someone that has experienced this first hand.

As your baby grows, so do you. You evolve, become skilled at new tasks, and have a depth of love, you never knew possible, and one of your roles that shape your identity right now is the privilege of being someone’s mum. You are their world and no doubt they are yours. It is a big deal. You are now and always will be someone’s mum. But who were you before having this privileged title? You are still you, it is just that you have gone through this life-changing, soul-altering experience.

Identity to me is so intrinsically linked to our core values, beliefs, and dare I say purpose. But I think society, the media and the collective “us” put so much pressure to “live your purpose” right now, it is almost like a buzzword. But what if you don’t know your purpose? How can we tap into our purpose when our mind is so crowded with the jobs we have to do for our children, the worries around their health, their school, their emotional wellbeing, are they getting enough calcium? The list is endless.

A lot has been written about the “mental load” and this is a true and a real thing. It has gotten in the way of us finding or sticking to our passion, our interests, and possibly our “life’s purpose”. I believe we can have multiple purposes in life and the actual task of having to define and choose a life purpose is perpetuating this cycle of having to define who we are and what we want to dedicate the rest of our lives to, and it is anxiety provoking.

You often hear about mums that can’t go back to their old careers, they are not as meaningful anymore and so many mums who find their new career by being a mum, whether it is an online baby store or they have started their own baby yoga class or amazing nutritional products. In life, of course, there are realities, of bills and sometimes there is not the luxury to “live your purpose”, it is more about surviving over thriving and I get that. But I urge you, mama, to tap into your passions your hobbies and interests when you can around the daily grind and household responsibilities. Our creativity and our interests are still there, but they have been overshadowed, and quite rightly so, we have an important job to do in raising these bubbas.

It is important when you are in the thick of it, to remember what lights you up? What makes your soul sing? A lot of this may be linked to your children, but a lot also are things you used to love, or things you have buried deep as they are not on the “essential list” or our priority....but this is your heart, your interests that are important, and they will help you to feel satisfied content and happy.

When you are lying awake at night asking yourself big questions like, what is my purpose in this life? Who am I, separate from a “mum”? I hope you can find some peace to know it is ok not to always have the answers. Life is a journey and we grow and evolve and our passions and purpose can change too with us, and that is the exciting part of life.

I will end with the wise wisdom of my three-year-old. She was telling me while we were driving the other day how her little friend at child care’s mum was a doctor and she was trying to ask me what I do....she was stopping mid-sentence as if her little brain was trying to work out the right words. She eventually asked, “what do you do mummy?”

But before I could even answer she interjected and said; “Are you a human being?”

Yes baby girl, my thoughts exactly, we are all human beings first and foremost, regardless of our occupation, career, job, or self-proclaimed “identity”. You are YOU, embrace it, own it, and live it, from who you were yesterday, to now in this moment and into your future.

Adrianna Pearce is a mum to two children, a dreamer, and an ocean and coffee lover. She Co-founds a Not for Profit in Adelaide, that connects people for friendship across generations. She is passionate about branding that gets to the essence of people’s passion and purpose in business with her branding agency Muse Creative. To follow her family adventures on Instagram @gypsyheartadventures