The Leadership Skills Parents Didn’t Know They Needed by Kim Marshall
As a Type A personality, I thought motherhood would require skills like softness, creativity, and organization. Although those traits certainly feel helpful, it merely touches the surface of what helps mothers operate and thrive in the day-to-day moments. Over the past 11 years as a mother and nearly 20 years working with children and families I have come to deeply understand how I underestimated the personal development of a woman in motherhood.
I truly believe that within every mother is a leader. We didn’t know this role would require us to come undone in order to find that, but this is the journey for many who are open to it. As mothers step into their leadership, they simultaneously heal old generational wounds and patterns. In order for us to evolve and co-create a new way of leading each other, we must first lead ourselves. Here are some unexpected leadership traits I have developed inside of my motherhood journey and the critical pillars of my parent coaching practice.
Celebration- Focusing on what is going well is an underrated parenting (leadership) skill. With a lens of gratitude, we can see so much goodness and growth. It is human nature to want to stay in a space of opportunity, but vocalizing the wins on a regular basis tells the universe “yes-thank you-more please”. It also trains our brains to look for the good and notice positive moments that may otherwise go overlooked. Try and do this regularly and celebrate what is going well. Say it outloud. Share it with someone you love and trust. Watch the momentum of what you create.
Self-Reflection- Consider something your child does that triggers a strong emotional reaction in you. Then hold up a mirror to yourself and you may notice that what bothers you in them; is actually the unhealed parts of yourself. For example if you feel disrespected when your child doesn't listen to you and you have to ask multiple times before losing your cool; examine if this is a theme in other parts of your life. Maybe you are feeling like your ideas aren’t valued at work or you didn’t feel seen or heard in a large family or your requests were ignored when you tried using your voice in a romantic relationship. Reflecting on root-cause and perspective can be helpful during situations that feel charged.
Connection Instead of Control- No one likes to be told what to do and threats and punishments only create fear and short term success. Learning how to connect with our children in a true skill. This requires us entering their world and using mindsight to understand a child’s point of view. Playfulness, non-violent communication, humor, these are all examples of ways to connect. At the end of the day, your child needs to know you are a team and feelings of connection will breed cooperation.
Simplicity and Slowness- In a world that loves chaos and noise, it is an act of rebellion for a mother to really lead the daily rhythm with simplicity and slowness. This can feel challenging when we are managing other people’s expectations and feel the pressure of being run by a clock. But I promise you, it’s worth considering the pockets of control you do have and what that looks like within the 4 walls of your home. Light a candle at dinner, eat meals together at the table, create big open blocks of time for free play, hold hands when you go for walks, edit your toys, take social events that feel obligatory off the calendar, stop multitasking, fall asleep together.
Boundaries from Values- Boundaries are the new self-care for busy moms who are over being overstretched and overcommitted. “Should I buy that toy? Should we attend that birthday party? What should I make for dinner?” But how do you know what to say yes to and what to say no to? This is going to be unique to you and your authentic truth. The place to start is establishing core family values. This is the foundational framework that your family relies on as “bumper pads”. It is the filter we run all decision making through. For example, my core family values are love, health and freedom. When I make decisions about where to allocate resources of time, money, energy, I think “is this going to take me closer or further away from love, health and freedom?” Hint: there is no neutral.
Emotional Intelligence- This leadership trait is where it is at. Parents today recognize that they were raised in homes where many emotional needs went unmet. If you are a mother trying to learn about your feelings while simultaneously teaching emotional intelligence to your children- solidarity. Having this skill means more responding and less reacting. It means understanding empathy and being able to sit in the mess of anger, shame, loneliness, guilt. Since our children reflect what they see and experience in their environment, building this in yourself is the best way to build it in them and for them. The best place to start is to learn about your nervous system and attachment style so you can be in a secure relationship with yourself and the ones you love.
Flexibility and Flow- One of the best skills mothers can lean into as leaders is to be flexible and flow through the many rhythms that take place in us and around us. Just like seasons, children are often growing through changes, phases and regressions. This requires us to adapt to changing circumstances and adjust our expectations. The same goes for the expectations we have of ourselves. As cyclical beings, it can serve us well to be attuned to our own rhythms throughout the month. We have 4 distinct phases during a menstrual cycle that require different levels of energy, productivity, communication, emotion, and nourishment.
Our world desperately lacks leadership. That is why leadership in the home through parenting is a truly brave and bold decision that we get to make every single day. It’s never too late to make changes for yourself and your family. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you move forward. Having new knowledge is one thing, but embodying these practices takes work. Skills can be learned and healthy children depend on us evolving.
Reach out for a free connection call if you are curious about how parent coaching can help you grow in your leadership. @rootsandwingschildhood www.rootsandwingschildhood.com rootsandwingschildhood@gmail.com
Kim Marshall - Conscious Mother and Leader, Parenting Coach, Educational Consultant, Speaker, Founder, Roots & Wings Childhood
Website @rootsandwingschildhood