Things To Discuss Before Baby Is Born….. by Seasons of Mama
Whether you are in a relationship with your partner or your beautiful self, it is not only important, but I would go as far as to say that it is essential, to practice this conversation piece around our expectations for postpartum. Especially if we are seeking as much ease and flow as we can possibly muster during such a sacred time. It is beneficial to start having these conversations in pregnancy (the earlier the better) to reduce the chances of conflict or tension within self and/or relationship. Let’s put the peace in peaceful postpartum shall we? Here are some talk topics to get you started;
The sleep bank: how to cope with sleep deficiency? How can we schedule more sleep for ourselves? Who is in charge of/helping with feeds, changes and settling in the night?
Sharing household tasks: what does the division of responsibility currently look like? What can we put down once baby arrives, and our partner/support people pick up?
Boundaries with family and friends: when are we happy to have visitors? Who will those first early visitors be? Is there anyone we aren’t comfortable with? How do we honour early postpartum for ourselves? How do we protect our peace in those early days and weeks? Who can we lean on for support/guidance?
Let’s talk money honey: Who takes care of accounts and paying the bills? Do we have access to savings/surplus funds? What kind of government assistance/work entitlements do we have available to us? How much paternity/maternity leave is possible? Career goals and possible timeline for returning to work? What services/professionals do we want to hire/consult in those first 40 days especially? And/or thereafter? How to maintain a sense of financial independence if I’m a stay at home mama?
Parenting philosophy: What kind of parent do you/we wish to be? How were you parented? Do you have any fears around becoming a parent? What are some resources that can help us to flourish in our new roles? How will we cope with parenting differences? What topics do we feel strongly about (childhood vaccinations? circumcision? religious or spiritual upbringing? Private schooling vs public schooling? Child’s guardian?)
Self care is essential: how can we support each other/myself with some “me time” outside of family time that feels fair and equitable? What does self care look/feel like to me? What helps to fill my cup?
Sex-pectations: What are our thoughts surrounding sex after birth? How to navigate mis-matched needs/desires/drive? What does intimacy mean to me? How can we explore other ways of staying connected? Have we taken the Love Language quiz to better understand how we express and experience love? How do I/we feel about self pleasure? How can we grow into a more mature love together during this season?
Baby care: what feeding method (breast or bottle) aligns with me? What goals do I have for this? Do I understand my options for co-sleeping or cot-sleeping? How about for daycare or childcare down the track? Do we perform all baby care tasks as a team or divide and conquer? How can we give each other space to develop our own settling techniques with baby?
My hope is that this has helped you today in preparedness for newborn life and the season of becoming us. It is by no means an exhaustive list but rather a beautiful conversation starter. There is so much focus placed about the delicious newborn and not nearly as much on the newborn mama or newborn papa. It is one of my heart desires to see a greater emphasis on this because when families are healthy and well, so too are communities as a collective.
Love + light to you on this beautiful wild ride that is parenthood!
Jen x
Seasons of Mama | Midwife, Mama, Birth Educator
My name is Jen and I am a Mama, Midwife, Childbirth Educator and Maker based in Milton, NSW on the beautiful south coast. I help mothers feel supported and held during all their seasons so that they can connect with their true essence. Please come and say hey over on Instagram @seasons_of_mama. I’d love to welcome you to my growing community of empowered magical mamas