Mindful Parenting: How to Respond Instead of React by Marica Njagojev
Photo by Yaoqi Lai
Mindfulness has been gaining popularity in recent years, and for the right reason. Researchers have found that the simple act of ’being present at the moment’ can improve our well-all health and our happiness.
Mindfulness is a practice of being aware of what is happening around us, but also what is happening in our minds. It may sound simple, but many people find that they have no time to slow down and enjoy the present situation since they are always worrying about the future and what they have to do next.
What does mindfulness mean in parenting?
Your children look up to you, and by your example, you're teaching them how to behave and respond to life around them. Managing your own emotions and behavior can help your kids to learn to do the same. But being a mindful parent does not mean that you always have to be ’a perfect parent.’ Like many things in life, mindfulness takes a lot of practice and patience. Mindfulness, like meditation, is about letting go of your ego and destructive emotions and bringing attention to what is happening right now and how to respond to the situation in the right way.
How to introduce mindfulness to your kids?
Small children are naturally mindful because their curiosity drives them to grasp the present fully. It is usually us, as parents, who tend to rush our kids, teaching them that life is about the future. The best place to start is to rediscover how to mindful ourselves and then introduce the idea to our children directly. Start by thinking about the good manners to teach your kids and try to tune them into their senses by playing simple mindful games. Instead of giving them a chocolate bar, try giving them a piece of candy or fruit, and tell them to eat it slowly, savoring the texture and taste, and then talk about your experiences. Encourage mindful practices outdoors, take a mindful walk, let them be aware of their bus and train rides, instead of making them immersed into phones and video games.
Essential steps to mindful parenting.
Notice your feelings when you conflict with your child. What are the most prominent feelings? Are you angry, ashamed, or embarrassed? Try not to stop the emotion, but do not act upon it, either. Do not judge or reject it, but do not make it bigger than it really is. You are not your emotion, and you do not have to act on them instinctively. Remind yourself that you do not have to blame yourself or your child for the situation. Next, try to get your child’s perspective or remember how you felt in a similar case from your childhood. Most likely, your child is not motivated by malice, but by something that can be talked about and resolved. Observe the moment. What triggered your emotions? Maybe it was stress or annoyance. Note that it may be a signal that you are being triggered. Once you learn your triggers, managing your responses becomes easier.
The most challenging part of the practice is to be able to respond calmly and kindly. When we slow down and focus on our thoughts and feelings, our bodies and our brains go through a physiological change that decreases our reflexive responses. But embrace the fact that you are never going to respond correctly. Acknowledging that regardless of our best intentions, failure is often unavailable and sometimes even desirable. As much as you want your children to be happy and stress-free, showing them that failure is just a part of normal life is a crucial part of their development. These moments can be an excellent opportunity for compassion, learning, humor, and forgiving. You can teach your kids the importance of not giving up, as well.
Learn that your child will not always be able to manage their emotions. They are just children, after all. Respect their uniqueness and be fully aware of them as individuals. Honoring their freedom and emotions is a mindful practice of its own.