Beyond Willpower: The Hidden Psychology of Addictive Behaviors by Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin
Have you ever polished off leftover pizza when you weren't hungry? Or scrolled endlessly through social media instead of sleeping? Maybe you're on a first-name basis with your delivery person because of how much online shopping you do. If you're nodding your head to any of this, you may feel like you’re powerless to change.
We may label ourselves “chocoholics,” “shopaholics,” or “workaholics,” convinced our habits control us. Yet these so-called addictions frequently mask hidden reasons we feel compelled to do the very things we wish we wouldn’t.
What Is Really Going On?
Many of us have grown up believing we’re powerless over certain substances or activities. In truth, these behaviors can be unconscious attempts to soothe old emotional wounds or fill unmet needs. The key to change isn’t to focus on what we’re doing, but instead understand why we’re doing it. By recognizing the deeper “why,” we gain clarity and empowerment to make healthier choices.
Hidden Reasons Behind Addictive Behaviors
Emotional Numbing
If you reach for food, alcohol, or your phone to cope with anxiety, sadness, or loneliness, you may be using these behaviors to avoid uncomfortable feelings. The habit becomes a form of “emotional anesthetic,” temporarily blocking out pain instead of addressing it.
Displacing Control
When life feels chaotic—due to a demanding boss or strained relationships—your mind might redirect these feelings of helplessness onto something you believe you can control. For example, fixating on having eaten an entire pizza shifts frustration away from your boss and onto your eating habits, giving an illusion of control.
Filling a Void
If you grew up with emotional neglect or inconsistent attention, you might turn to shopping, eating, or scrolling to fill an inner emptiness. While these activities may offer short-term relief, they never satisfy the deeper need for genuine connection and validation.
Self-Punishment
Some addictive behaviors stem from an internal sense of unworthiness or guilt. If you don’t believe you deserve happiness or success, you may unconsciously engage in self-sabotaging habits—fueling a cycle of shame and self-punishment.
Shopping for Self-Worth
Shopping can sometimes begin as an attempt to feel good or project a certain image. The temporary rush of buying new items—whether clothing, makeup, or other goods—can be an attempt to increase self-esteem, especially if love and approval were based on appearances in the past. Over time, the mounting debt, secret purchases, and underlying shame can lead to even greater stress.
Five Steps to Break Free
If these hidden motivations resonate with you, consider these five practical steps:
Cultivate Self-Awareness
Notice your behaviors without judgment. Journal about when they happen and identify the emotions tied to them.Set Specific, Achievable Goals
Replace vague aims like “I’ll spend less time on my phone” with clear targets such as “I’ll check social media for only 30 minutes each evening.”Identify and Plan for Triggers
List the situations, emotions, or people that prompt your addictive behavior. Develop strategies—like a brief walk or calming breathing exercises—to manage or avoid these triggers.Practice Self-Compassion
Expect the occasional setback as part of the process. When slip-ups happen, treat yourself with understanding rather than criticism.Seek Professional Support
Deep-rooted patterns can be challenging to shift on your own. A therapist can help you uncover unconscious drives and build healthier coping mechanisms.
Breaking free from addiction isn’t a matter of sheer willpower; it’s about healing from within by addressing the deeper reasons behind your actions. If you are repeating the same unhelpful patterns, consider what emotional needs or wounds you might be trying to soothe or avoid.
Remember: awareness, self-acceptance, and compassion form the basis for real change. By first understanding why you do what you do, you can choose new behaviors that support a happier, healthier life.
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin co-edited Beyond the Primal Addiction and is the author of four other books, as well as a podcast host, and one of the nation’s leading psychoanalysts. Her books and podcasts have been enthusiastically received by hundreds of thousands of listeners in 57 countries. As founder of The Binge Cure Method, she guides emotional eaters to create lasting food freedom so they can take back control of their lives and feel good in their bodies. Her new podcast, Mind Matters, unlocks the secrets of our minds to elevate lives from the inside out. Turn your subconscious into your superpower with Dr. Nina. https://drninainc.com/