4 Practices for Raising More Inclusive Kids by Ash Beckham
Heading back to school is anxiety provoking for both parents and children. New teachers, new buildings, new routines, new peers. In the face of these changes, a primal part of our brain kicks in to rapidly categorize things as good/bad, friend/foe, safety/threat. This is a survival instinct which is an expected response to stress, let alone multiple stresses. It is also easy to see that this instinct makes inclusion and kindness an afterthought at best and a detriment at worst.
As rational humans, we can recognize that response, but also choose to act in opposition to those forces, prioritizing empathy and kindness. But how do we override that biological impulse and how do we encourage our kids to do that while experiencing the intensity of returning to school? By making inclusion and kindness part of your everyday habits, more mindful reactions become your default rather than something you have to summon on demand.
1) Champion Curiosity -
The opposite of fear is not comfort. It is curiosity. The best way to demystify something that is new to us is to understand it better. As parents, we can instill that sense of inquiry. Is there someone at school who eats different foods than we do or dresses differently? Maybe they are from somewhere else or have a different family structure? Explore that together. Parents do not need to have all the answers, we just need to be willing to help find them.
2) Get comfortable being uncomfortable –
These lines of inquiry into things that are different can result in hard conversations about race, religion, etc. As parents, we must be willing to stay when it gets awkward. If you bail when conversations get tough, your children will have permission to do the same. Not only are you working through the topic of the moment, you are setting the tone for future conversations. They may be hard and uncomfortable but you will get through it and set the expectation that you and your kids can discuss anything openly and honestly. If they are bringing the questions home to you, they are likely already having them at school. By avoiding the conversation, you are not stopping the discussion. You are simply pushing them toward others get answers.
3) Be conscious of representation in your life.
Analyze who the characters are in the books your family reads and the shows your watch. What are your regular resources for information? Representation matters in who your kids look up to and what they see as possible not just for themselves, but for others as well. An easy starting point is to focus on topics your kids are already interested in. Do they love sports or science or art? Seek out diverse representation of different races, ethnicities, genders and abilities in those areas. If your corner bookstore does not have those diverse perspectives, explore a different corner.
4) Walk the walk –
As in so many aspects of parenting, what we do is so much more important than what we say. Are you practicing inclusion and kindness? Not by your bumper stickers, but by regular daily actions? You have to do the work to expand your perspectives and maintain your curiosity to model that for your kids. By making it a family priority, you can explore and grow together.
If kindness and inclusion were easy, we would live in a very different world. And who needs one more thing to do? But by making these practices part of our daily lives, inclusion and kindness becomes less something we do and more an integral part of who we are.
Ash Beckham is an inclusion activist known for her viral Tedx talk Coming Out of Your Closet, the “accidental advocate” for equality, does not shy away from hard conversations. Her book Step Up: How to Live with Courage and Become an Everyday Leader is an empowering call-to-action to help mobilize all to embrace a different vision of leadership to create change in our workplaces, schools, places of worship, communities, and homes cultivated from both Beckham's personal and professional experiences.
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