6 Rules I Am Going To Teach My Kids As A Child Psychologist by Jaimie Bloch

Before I was a Mum I was a Psychologist. I thought I knew how I would raise my kids, but once they came along I realised not only how challenging being a parent was, but how rewarding it could be. I understood the transgenerational trauma we can pass on and how important it is to be a family that sticks to their values as if they were life rules to live by. As a child psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how important it is to foster an environment that encourages healthy emotional growth and communication. I also know the firsthand damage that has been done to us, adults, when we live in a world that encourages archaic and non-psychological minded parenting principles. While every family is unique, there are key principles I believe every child should grow up learning—ones that will help them feel secure, loved, and empowered to navigate the world. These aren't just rules for my kids, they’re foundational life lessons I’m committed to practising every day. Here are my top 6:

1. We are a family with no secrets
We want to protect our children and try to the best of our abilities to keep them safe, but we cannot protect them if they do not know the difference between safe and unsafe secrets. We want our children to be open and talk to us, but are we creating an environment of safe sharing? And do our children even understand the nuanced differences that adults take for granted in knowing the difference between surprises, privacy and secrets?

That’s why I am going to take the time to help define and explain to my kids the differences and times we may or may not share certain information. 

I want my children to know that surprises are meant to be fun, have good intentions and are temporary. The goal is for it to be kept quiet for a short period with the end goal of trying to make others feel good. For example, surprising someone with a birthday cake, or surprising someone with news of a new baby's impending arrival. 

My children will also know that secrets are often meant to be kept quiet for a long time and they are meant to protect someone. Secrets normally involve something that would make people feel unhappy, unsafe or hurt. Secrets make us feel nervous or scared to tell others. Some secrets can be harmless, like granny giving the kids extra chocolate, but other types of secrets can be dangerous, like if someone is hurting your child. Regardless of the type of secret, we are a family of no secrets, even if granny gave my child extra chocolate, they will know that no one will get into trouble for sharing the truth. 

It is also important for my children to know when some things need to be kept to themselves. This is privacy. Privacy is about respecting a person’s personal space or information. It does not have the outcome of hurting or compromising the safety of another person. For example, if your child fails their spelling test, we wouldn’t be sharing this information with their aunties and uncles as it may be embarrassing for them. 

2. There are no consequences for telling the truth
I want to establish values and guidelines in our family that promote openness and honesty. This means I need to manage my reactions to the truth. 

I want my children to know that no matter what they've done or what has happened, I will always be there for them if they need to talk about it. This means starting to practice listening without judgment, and without emotional reactivity. 

3. There is no such thing as a silly question so ask anything and everything!
I want my children to come to me for all their weird and wonderful questions. I know as a child psychologist that if they do not feel safe asking me, they will turn to the internet and social media which has a huge amount of misinformation. This means we will make sure to create bi-weekly question time for everyone in the family, and if we do not have the answer, we will find reliable experts who do. It is equally important for my kids to know that I do not always have the answers to everything and that together we can learn. I want to show them how to seek out information in safe and productive ways and I can do this by modelling it myself. 

4. If someone says "enough" or "no more" we stop 
This is a big one I am already teaching my daughter. In our house, we are clear about respecting each other's "no" and "stop". It is important for my children to know that they can express when they do not like a specific touch, or if they have had enough. This includes cuddles and kisses. This means when we go out and my daughter does not want someone kissing her hello or hugging her that she knows how to say no more in an assertive and kind way and that this no should and will be respected. This means I sometimes have to back her up and explain she does not like cuddles and that’s ok. 

5. No one knows everything and we can learn from others and together
It is important to me that my children know from a young age that we are not born knowing everything, and this includes parents! Through seeking support, information and guidance from others, we can actually lead and live better, more meaningful lives and feel less alone. When we seek out support and information, we can better educate ourselves and move through our challenges rather than be stuck repeating the same old unhelpful patterns. There will be no shame in my house for not having the answers, instead, we are going to look at it as an adventure to learn more, grow and develop new skills and knowledge. 

6. Everyone makes mistakes, including mum and dad
No one is perfect, and we are not meant to try to be perfect. I want my kids to see me as a human, not a superhuman. I want them to share their vulnerability and hear mine. I want my children to feel capable and this is through knowing mistakes happen and that they are ok. There is no more powerful lesson for a child than to realise that mistakes are going to happen, they are inevitable but that they are an important part of growing and success. You cannot succeed without failure, and you cannot grow if you don’t know what you don’t know! Learning to ride through mistakes and find growth at the end is the most fundamental aspect of children becoming resilient and feeling capable.

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As a child psychologist, I work with kids and teens every day who struggle to communicate the challenges going on in their internal world with their parents. This is for no fault of a parent trying, but sometimes the way in which the atmosphere of a home is established can prevent kids and teens from feeling like it is a safe place to be vulnerable and share. Home can also sometimes be a place where their boundaries are not respected. This can then create a climate of fear, secrecy, silence and ultimately a child or teen who is stuck and unwilling for help or support and in the worst-case scenario a distressed child who feels alone.

We want our children to turn to us for questions, for support, and to share in their wins and failures. If we do not actively create an environment that allows our children to feel safe to do this our children will turn to others and the internet to support them. Whilst this is not always a bad thing, a young person is not able to decipher between toxic and healthy relationships or toxic and healthy messages and good information and misinformation. Therefore, I am very big on expressing how I feel, sharing questions and creating a relaxed environment in my home that opens the door for fun and silliness. I do not want my child to ever feel like their questions are silly or embarrassing. I want my children to feel like they can share anything with me and they will not feel judged or not normal, or worse that I will over or underreact to their pain. 

My child is only small right now but even at this young age, I am already teaching her that her physical and emotional boundaries are valued and must be respected. We already implement the policy of "no more" which means "no more". As a woman and as a young girl growing up there is no more important message for her to hear than her "no" needs to be respected and that she has every right to say no. This is because I give her the power to say no, for that no to be heard, and respected. Remember that our children will learn EXACTLY what to expect from YOU! We must practice and model what we want to see in our children and this means also giving our children the tools, respect and space to practice these life lessons safely in our home. 

As parents, we often wait till, we are in crisis, we wait till they are lying to talk about secrets. We wait to talk about misinformation and how to access safe information or get answers to questions after we have seen their internet browser history. We wait to teach about respecting bodies and boundaries in play only when someone is crying. What if instead, we became preventative and proactive? We can do this by not just communicating more often to our kids about taboo topics, but we can help set our kids up for success and help-seeking behaviour if we support them each day based on fundamental principles that we also live by. If we value growth then we must not ridicule our kids for their mistakes, if we value boundaries then when our kids say stop, we must listen. We can implement these by redefining our own beliefs, rules and foundations of modern parenting by using these 6 principles to tackle our everyday moments with our kids. 

Jaimie Bloch is a Clinical Psychologist and Director of MindMovers Psychology in Sydney, specialising in parenting, child development, and family mental health. With over 15 years of experience, she’s a leading expert in supporting parents to raise emotionally healthy children, providing practical advice and behavioural strategies. As a sought-after media consultant, Jaimie offers expert insights on child psychology and mental health, making complex concepts accessible to a wide audience. She’s passionate about empowering families and advocating for mental well-being, ensuring that parents have the tools they need to foster resilience in their children.
Instagram @mindmoverspsych
Website: www.mindmoverspsychology.com.au 
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