6 Ways to Manage Sibling Disagreements (Without Becoming an MMA Ref) by Ashley Halsey
As a parent myself, I know how easily simple sibling disagreements can turn into a world war if you look away for three seconds or say slightly the wrong thing when intervening. And sometimes, intervening can make things worse! After many years of messing up as a parent, I decided to be more pragmatic with my kid’s disagreements. Although I definitely do not have it all figured out yet, and I doubt any parent truly ever will; hopefully these 6 top tips will allow you to more effectively manage sibling disagreements…without becoming an MMA Referee.
1: Be an Unbiased Sports Commentator
Think of yourself as less of a referee making decisions, and more of an unbiased sports commentator. It’s important for a commentator not to ‘choose sides’, it’s just a call made based on what they see right in front of them.
2: Let your ‘Players’ Feel How They Feel
Your players need to feel that they are allowed to feel however they feel, and express themselves effectively. You need to create a ‘safe space’ within your home or family environment which allows children to feel how they feel without fear of judgement. You might be thinking ‘I don’t yell at my kids, I’ve definitely created a safe space’. However, as a kid who constantly grew up in fear of judgement in a religious household…fear of judgement can come from combinations of many different parental behaviours. Make sure your kids feel safe to express their feelings and emotions in your family. Once your kids feel safe emotionally, they will be less likely to lash out.
3: Know When to Call ‘Time Out’
As important as my first point of behaving like a sports commentator is, sometimes you need to call a time out. It is crucial to know when to call this time out. Calling it too early will mean that your kids do not get adequate time to express their emotions (and you will not get a chance to hear both sides of the story); but calling it too late will mean you might be taking care of war wounds for weeks. No parent gets it perfect, but the least we can do is try.
4: Set Boundaries for Your Fighters
Set clear and fair boundaries for your kids when they fight. These differ for every parent, parenting style, and household. For my parents, they drew the line at disrespect and rolling eyes (which backfired and meant I bottled a lot of things up), but this may work for some children. You may draw the line at swearing or physical contact or be even stricter than my parents were and draw the line at expressions of anger at all. Whatever you choose, make sure you are consistent and fair with your boundaries for all your kids.
5: Do Not Let your Fighters Leave Angry
Try your best not to let siblings leave angry at each other after a disagreement. I understand that this is not always possible! However, try not to let your kids storm off or leave with anger still left inside. This could lead to built-up resentment against their siblings, themselves, or you in the long run.
6: Help Them Find a Common Ground for the Future
Help your kiddos find a common ground for the future. If you help them find a common ground constructively, you might even side-step a day where their common ground becomes resentment against you. Let them find their similarities, and where they agree.
There is no fool-proof pathway to perfect parenting success, and no matter how many parenting ‘self-help’ books you read, or (brilliant) parenting blogs you read half-asleep at 2 o’clock in the morning; every kid is different. Hopefully reading through these six steps will help you build your very own parenting handbook, tailored to your little ones personally.
Ashley Halsey is a professional article writer and blogger at Coursework Writing Services UK who has been involved in multiple projects throughout the country. As well as this, she is a full-time mother of four children. She enjoys traveling, reading and attending business training courses.