When Your Toddler Has You In Tangles by Nicola Poole
“Mummy I’m hungry”.
Place down a plate of food you know your toddler eats. Toddler looks at the plate and then back at you, “Mummy I’m hungry”.
With each new childhood stage, it never fails to amaze me that there are so many surprises. You can read countless books, listen to podcasts, follow influencers, watch friends with their kids, and you’re still never prepared for what YOUR little munchkin will throw your way.
When they say our children are meant to break us so we can rebuild ourselves as parents, they sure aren’t wrong. The illogical daily outbursts seem to continuously baffle me, as I navigate the bumpy waters of motherhood.
It is living in this illogical child’s world that has been my complete undoing.
“Mum I’m tired”. Take child to bed and insert loving sleep time routine. Cue tears, “Mum I’m hungry”. Take child out of bed, prepare snack, and sit them at the table. Cue eye rubbing and more tears as they say “tired” again! Repeat 10 times and then lose your cool and flip out.
When you want to meet your child’s needs, by keeping them safe and warm with a full belly, ensuring they feel loved and have a full cup, as well as set boundaries and teach values, how do you manage the illogical?!
I sure don’t have the answers and I don’t know how many of you can relate to these types of experiences, but they have caught me off guard. My years of study and flexing my logic thinking brain, has me unravelling in ways I could not have ever imagined.
In our constant desire to meet our child’s needs, we are often at times, letting our own needs go. When we consistently put ourselves last, our cup empty’s and if this goes on for too long, well you know the outcome!
Whilst there is no perfect way to parent and no long-lasting balance that can be maintained, take the time to understand your child and all of their quirks. Get to understand their language and cues. When they tell you one thing, what does that really mean? Are they legitimately hungry, or are they needing nurturing in another way? Are they tired, or do they need some quiet time with a cuddle and a book? Have you spent enough time filling their cup up and what can you do to ensure your cup is also full?
Children don’t need us around the clock, despite some parents thinking they do. Children need time and space to explore and discover the world around them without our influence or projection. They need to know we are nearby but don’t need us constantly analysing. Of course, they crave times when we are 100% present, and all consumed in doing something with them. Then they need space to grow their independence also.
If we are at the beck and call of our children, what sort of adults will they become? If as a parent, you need to be needed, what will happen when your kids move out?
We all know that what we model to our kids is what they will very likely copy. Imagine the sort of adult you want your child to become and be that! Sounds so simple I know. In reality it is not, especially if we haven’t undone our own childhood patterns.
But what can you begin with? Tell your child how you are feeling. Tell them when they upset you. Tell them you need space because you are angry right now. Normalise emotions, good and bad, so that they don’t fear them. Talk to them, ask their opinion, and give them choices. Start this from birth and see what happens.
Will we feel frustrated? Yes. Will we feel angry at times? Yes. Will we want to give up? Most probably. But will it be worth it? Yes. Will we grow in the process? Yes. Will we create future generations who are more independent, free thinking and capable? I sure hope so!
With a belief that everything happens for a reason, Nicola trusts that we are given all we need to be able to handle any situation life throws at us. As a qualified Nutritionist, Spiritual counsellor and Parenting coach, Nicola is a devoted mum who values family and commitment. She is committed to providing others the very best possible care in order to achieve true wellness, so that they too can live the life they dream of.
Website: wholisticalignment.com.au
Instagram: @wholistic_alignment