Birth Story: Caleb by Clarisse Baqué
I’m sharing the birth stories of my two sons, two births drastically different from each other and yet so very connected. One that was damaging, the second one healing. Both the best moments of my entire life.
As soon as I decided to get pregnant, I delved headfirst into a world of books, blogs, vlogs, movies, and birth stories. Anything remotely related to birth and babies had my attention. It wasn't long before I realized that I wanted a home birth—a natural, unmedicated, physiological birth with no cord clamping, immediate skin-to-skin contact, and breastfeeding.
In 2016 when I had just given birth to my first son, I discovered Teresa's pregnancy vlogs on Your Zen Mama Youtube channel. She became my ultimate motherhood role model, and you'll soon see how her influence played a pivotal role in preventing a C-section during my second birth!
Read Caleb’s birth story below, and if you missed it, Adriel’s is here.
Caleb - November 24, 2019
I got pregnant with my second when Adriel was almost 3. This time, I knew right away, I swear I felt the egg being implanted (!) even though every one thought I was crazy!
For my first, my bump was invisible for at least 5 months, for this pregnancy, at 9 weeks, I was already showing. And I already had pretty bad all-day sickness. Again, it lasted for about 4 months. I had a bad scare at around 2 months where I lost some blood. We had moved from the city to a very rural area of France and the first hospital was quite far away.
My dad drove me to the nearest ER while my partner stayed with our son, and they didn’t have anything to check if everything was okay! I was so shocked and petrified. They didn’t even have a doppler. So they just drew some blood and asked me a few questions, then a doctor finally came into the room and told me that he couldn’t tell me anything and that I would have to wait until a gynecologist would agree to see me outside of the hospital (which I know can take weeks!). I felt so bad, it was 10pm and the idea of going to a farthest hospital where they had a maternity ward felt like way too much for my body. I was scared that the car ride would aggravate the situation so I went home and couldn’t sleep that night. I called the gyno’s office first thing in the morning and, oh miracle, they could see me right away, so I went in and had an ultrasound and my baby was perfectly fine and bumbling around!
After that, the pregnancy went absolutely perfectly on paper, but I felt awful the whole time. Very tired, during all the trimesters, I felt giant even though I didn’t put on more than 10kg, just a mess.
After my first birth experience, I really wanted this one to be healing and I looked into homebirths again but we were too far away from the nearest birth unit. I arranged to give birth in a hospital on a 45min drive that had a birthing tub, which was my DREAM since the conception of my first. In France, you’re not allowed to give birth inside the tub but you can labor in it if the hospital has it.
This time, I was convinced I would give birth exactly 11 days before my due date, just like my first. But I was less confident, no idea why but this pregnancy felt so hard, it might just last even longer than my due date (December 6th)! So I tried to not think about it too much.
My labor symptoms were entirely different from my first labor. I went into false labor every night for two weeks. With uncomfortable contractions every 5 minutes, then 4, then 3. EVERY NIGHT. The first time it happened, I was SURE I was giving birth since it looked so similar to my first experience. I timed the whole thing, it started at 10pm and then when contractions were every 3 min for an hour, it all stopped all of sudden. And this happened every night from around November 10 to November 23. I weirdly started to feel quite at peace with it - not defeated.
On November 23, my mom invited us over to dinner and I gratefully accepted. Plus she had a bathtub and I had been dreaming of taking a bath for months, my back hurt so badly. We went there, my partner, my son and I, at 6pm and had a bit of a chat. Then I went to take my bath, I had lots of contractions, but since it had been that way for weeks, I didn’t think much of it.
I stayed for at least 30/40 minutes and said to myself “if the contractions don’t ease after the bath, you’re going into labor”. I got out, we went to have dinner, I joked that I might give birth this very night since my contractions had indeed not decreased, in sensation or in intervals.
My sister was there too and she was the one who would come take care of Adriel when I went into labor so I gave her a few directions and at 10pm, we left my parents’ house saying to my sister “I’ll call you when we get home so you know if you need to come too!”.
Sure enough, during the whole drive, things started to pick up and I could feel it wasn’t like the other days. So my partner went to put our son to bed, we explained to him once again that his auntie would come while he was sleeping because we were going to have his little brother. It was the very first time he would sleep without us so it felt like a big step for all of us! I called my sister and asked her to come as soon as possible.
She arrived at around 11:30pm and we left for the hospital. At this point, I felt really uncomfortable but so so sooo excited. I felt empowered, I knew I would get to birth the way I wanted and I was confident. Plus, things looked to be progressing super fast since I felt a lot more uncomfortable than what I remembered with my first birth and being already at 4cm.
We arrived through the ER, I got checked and I was only at 2cm which felt crazy to me since it seemed way more intense than active labor with my first!
Being only at 2, I couldn’t get in the tub or even the birth room, I had to go to a regular room while we waited for some progress. Again, the midwives were literal angels and the one who accompanied us in the room told me “I can see it’s progressing really fast from the way you’re breathing, please call us if you feel anything different!”. We settled in the room, I was pacing, holding onto the bed frame and breathing loudly. I said to my partner “please go get her, it’s going FAST!”. It had only been 20 minutes!
The midwife came to pick us up and made us walk to the birthing tub but checked me again beforehand, I was already at 6cm! I had gone for 2 to 6 in less than 30 minutes. It was 1am at this point and the midwife told me, smiling “I can bet you’ll have your baby in your arms before 4am!”.
And I was sure too, it was going SO fast, and it was so different, I could feel my body doing all the things I had read about, I was growling, humming, doing all the things I had learned.
The tub was a huge relief, I stayed there, on all fours for what felt like a long time. I was the only one giving birth that night and I had 4 midwives just for me, all more gentle and encouraging than the other. My partner was incredible too, we had learned so much about support during our birth classes, he was pushing very hard on my lower back, which helped so much.
At some point, the chief midwife asked if she could check my cervix, I said yes and I was at an 8. But I could feel my body pushing and I told her that. She told me that I wasn’t dilated enough but I could feel, exactly like I had heard and read, my body pushing, even if I tried to stop it. It was bigger than me, the rush that came and pushed from within. I kept telling them “I need to push”, they had me get out of the tub and into the room so I could get some movement, I went on the ball, I suspended myself, I went on the bed. I was still at an 8. I could see that no one knew what was happening and at this point, I was screaming my heart out, the contractions were back to back to back, I had no respite and the pushes came stronger. I knew inside that it was time.
And that’s when I thought back to one of Teresa’s birth vlogs. Where she was in the birthing tub and had a cervical lip, that her midwife just opened with her fingers. I instantly KNEW that that’s what was happening. My midwife had just told me “I’m gonna need to call the doctor in a few minutes”, she was trying to be as gentle as possible but I knew it meant C section, I knew my baby was starting to struggle. I told my midwife about the cervical lip, but I didn’t know the french term, and as I explained to her what it was and what to do, between screams, she looked at me and I saw in her eyes that she had never heard of it but she was willing to try.
She went in and opened my cervix with her fingers, my baby came out like a cannonball, so quickly that the other midwife put her whole hand firmly between my legs so I wouldn't tear from the force. From there, they asked to push gently to avoid any tearing and I started to feel the ring of fire, but again I could feel something was wrong. The midwife told me that he had several loops of umbilical cord around his neck, very tight. She had to cut it inside me, it was so tight. Again, once that was done, I could feel a short phase of release and then again, something was wrong. She told me my coccyx was in the way and she had to push it so my baby could come out. I didn’t feel pain when she did, because the ring of fire was crazyyy and just like that Caleb finally came out! I was able to grab him and pull him to my chest, but as with my first, he was blue and they got him out of the room.
Again, he went back very quickly and latched on immediately.
And so he was born on November 24th, exactly 11 days early, just like his brother, weighing and measuring exactly the same too!
I had a tiny tear and they gave me gas and air for the small stitch I needed. I didn’t feel a thing. The whole birth in the hospital lasted around 5 hours only. But what I realized afterwards is that I was actually fully dilated after only 2 hours, I pushed for THREE hours! No wonder I was exhausted. And my poor little baby had bloodshot eyes, I think from the pressure he experienced inside. This remains my biggest regret from this birth, because I feel guilty I put him through this. But I’m also so proud of how I handled it all, so proud of my partner, and so grateful for the midwives. My hope is that they learned something new that will help thousands of women!
My immediate postpartum was a lot better with Caleb, except for my coccyx that prevented me from sitting straight for at least six months - and three years later + lots of chiropractor, still hurts like hell. Breastfeeding was a lot harder with Caleb than with Adriel, and by the time I needed outside help, we were on lockdown from Covid, so I managed on my own but it was difficult. At 8 months, I started pumping because he didn’t feed properly and my supply went low. At 11 months, I stopped pumping. I love breastfeeding but boy do I hate pumping, so I stopped and gave myself a hard time for it. But he thrived after we stopped so I like to think this was the best decision. Things could have been different if we weren’t in a pandemic but we were!
He is now a healthy, almost 4 year old little boy, and our family feels complete with him in it.
I hope that these testimonials will find the right person at the right time so they can get the exact insight they need - just like it happened for me with Teresa’s vlog. And if you ever had a doubt that Your Zen Mama could be impactful: Teresa, you’re my hero and my mama role model AND you helped me prevent a C section. IT WAS YOU! Thank you forever.
Adriel on the left - Caleb on the right
Clarisse started her career in 2011 working with some incredible brands like Guerlain, which was her main client for a few years, but also Givenchy, Lancôme, Louboutin, Atkinsons, and Dior. She learned so much during those years in different Parisian agencies, alongside highly experienced art directors. She was just missing a piece of the puzzle. That piece is you. After becoming a mother, Clarisse craved more 1:1 interaction, more emotion, more feelings, as well as a business that would work with her family's needs - and that's when Soulspell Studio was brought to life.
Since then, she has worked with amazing heart-led business owners and allowed them to be more confident and tackle the big goals they had. She blends her high-end design experience with empathy, strategy & storytelling to design truly magical and magnetic brands.
Website: https://soulspellstudio.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soulspellstudio/