Breaking Free from the Sleep Myths: Thriving in Motherhood Without the One-Size-Fits-All Approach to your child's sleep by Annie Littlehales
No one would argue that we are all mentally and physically better when we get enough good quality sleep to meet our unique needs.
One challenge in motherhood is when this important need slams hard up against the reality of infant sleep.
A common pressure in motherhood is that you can only truly thrive once your child is sleeping a certain way. Often with the focus of sleeping independently, with a schedule and through the night.
Whether the method is Cry it Out, Controlled Crying, Gentle Sleep Training, Sleep Shaping, Responsive Settling……typically it’s all this same single outcome as the critical goal so you can then thrive.
An approach that suggests your capacity to thrive and to have joy is so heavily dependent on being able to get your child to sleep a certain way can create intense challenges. It is setting mothers up to fail and to have the joy sucked out of motherhood.
An evidence-based view of infant and child sleep clearly tells us three key truths:
One: Sleep is often up and down particularly in the first 3 years *
There is a long list of reasons why sleep can be an ever-changing landscape. For some children the trajectory is quite steady and for others it can be a more volatile series of ups and downs.
Two: Not all aspects of sleep can be controlled or ‘fixed’
In an ocean of ‘quick fix’ guaranteed solutions, it can be a radical shift to accept this truth. It can be the best and worst news.
The potential damage of being given the idea that you can control all aspects of sleep can have far greater negative impacts compared to walking with this difficult truth.
Yes, there are many times we can fix sleep challenges. Yes, there are times this can happen fast.
There also many times we cannot fix what is currently happening with sleep or that change is slow.
Three: There are mountains of misinformation about sleep
There is a great deal of misinformation shared as evidence-based or science-based explicitly or implied by the way it’s shared or because of who it is that is sharing it. When there are many people saying the same thing, even if it’s incorrect, it can be accepted as truth (check out the Illusory Truth Effect).
The very industry that is sharing that you need to get your child to sleep in a certain way before you can thrive is providing you a shaky foundation to stand upon in the first place. This may well be contributing to your feelings of worry, stress and failure. The same industry then offers you the solution to fix that so you can then thrive.
As mothers and families, you deserve much better than this.
And yet, even with these truths you are consistently asked to tie your mental and physical wellness or your capacity to thrive to how your child is sleeping.
Not only is this a reductionist view of your mental and physical wellness but you’re being told to tie that wellness to:
Something that can be up and down for a while
Something that you cannot always control
And with guidance that can be riddled with misinformation
Where does this leave you as a mother?
Some common phrases shared with me on repeat:
“I feel like I’m failing my child”
“I am so overwhelmed and worried I’m doing it wrong”
“I can’t work out what to do when everything is saying something different”
“I am so frustrated but feel stuck”
And yes, often exhausted but it’s these listed above that can have such a dramatic impact sucking the joy out of motherhood creating so much extra difficulty.
Is there another way?
Is the only alternative that your mental and physical wellness is placed on the altar of motherhood to be sacrificed until sleep improves?
Is sleep training (gentle or not) the only option to be able to support sleep and thrive in motherhood?
There is a way.
If you’re tired of being set up for failure and want to be free of the limiting idea that you can only thrive in motherhood once your child’s sleep looks like ‘X’, look for people and an approach that will:
Empower you to know what’s evidence-based and how to detour the misinformation so you can turn down all the noise
Release you from the one-size-fits-all ideas about what will help your family to thrive and feel well-rested
Free you of the one limited version of what sleep needs to look like for you to feel like you’re thriving and feeling joy in motherhood
Avoid telling you that you must just wait and be totally child-led in all sleep decisions if this isn’t working well for you as a family
Avoid telling you that you must fix sleep with a limited focus and be totally parent-led in all decisions with sleep either
Enable you to leave no stone unturned in understanding the long list of influences on sleep to find your best way for your unique family, child and situation whether that may or may not include changes to how your child falls asleep or where.
Supports you if changes to how and where sleep happens is a good next step but without any formulaic generic ideas on what, when and how and that this is the ‘solution for all sleep challenges’
Nurtures you to thrive through the journey of ups and downs with sleep so you can feel clearer, more confident and calmer along the way as a mum.
So yes, there is a way. This is an approach that can transform your experience with sleep and motherhood and release you to thrive, protecting your joy on the journey.
Annie is a Holistic Sleep Coach helping parents understand and support their child's sleep with clarity, calm and confidence without sleep training or 'wait it out' approaches.
She feels deeply about empowering families to thrive by ditching misinformation, conflicting information, and unnecessary pressures. Her approach is based on the idea that rested children and families come in all shapes and sizes rather than the limiting, made-up rules and one-size-fits-all approaches.
It's a blend of evidence-based knowledge, expertise with a deep understanding of sleep's interconnected factors and a passion for supporting with compassionate nurturing care to support the motherhood journey to feel happier and calmer.
https://www.nurtureandthrivesleep.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/nurtureandthrivesleep/
https://www.facebook.com/nurtureandthrivesleep
*
Galland, B. C., Taylor, B. J., Elder, D. E., & Herbison, P. (2012). Normal sleep patterns in infants and children: a systematic review of observational studies. Sleep medicine reviews, 16(3), 213-222.
Hoyniak, C. P., Bates, J. E., Staples, A. D., Rudasill, K. M., Molfese, D. L., & Molfese, V. J. (2019). Child sleep and socioeconomic context in the development of cognitive abilities in early childhood. Child development, 90(5), 1718-1737.
Paavonen EJ, Saarenpää-Heikkilä O, Morales-Munoz I, et al. Normal sleep development in infants: findings from two large birth cohorts. Sleep Medicine. 2020 May;69:145-154.
Scher A. A longitudinal study of night waking in the first year. Child Care Health Dev. 1991 Sep-Oct;17(5):295-302. doi: 10.1111/j.1365-2214.1991.tb00699.x.
Scher, A. (2001). Attachment and sleep: A study of night waking in 12-month-old infants. Developmental Psychobiology, 38(4), 274–285.
Scher, A., Epstein, R., & Tirosh, E. (2004). Stability and changes in sleep regulation: A longitudinal study from 3 months to 3 years. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 28(3), 268–274.