Conscious Parenting by Mansi Parikh
What is Conscious Parenting?
It was a Thursday afternoon as I ran out my front door to go and pick up my then five-year-old twinnies. I put my shades on to tame the San Diego sun, turned up the music, and rocked my way to their elementary school. I was a cool Mom, ya know?! I walked up to the gate so excited to see them and give them a big ‘ol Momma Bear hug and ask them about their day. I was greeted by my chatty son who was eager to share how he kicked the soccer ball out of the fence. My daughter however, stomped over, looking visibly angry. The blue bow that perfectly matched her pants was no longer perched on the side of her head, but rather hanging on by a strand of hair that ended where her frown began. I knew in that moment, I was not going to be taking home the child I was so excited pick up. Here we go again, I thought. Why do I have such a dramatic child?
She didn’t say anything, so neither did I. I figured this was a good move to avoid further aggravating her. As we got into the car, my son raced in front to open the door first. This led to an outburst by my daughter, which presented as an extremely loud cry in my Mom Van (cause ya know only cool moms drive vans 😉). Her piercing cry further enveloped my mind, and I knew at this point that I was triggered. Rather than addressing my own trigger, I thought to myself, why is she so easily frustrated? We trudged our way back home, with my shades off, no music, no cool Mom vibes in sight. As I opened my front door and headed into the kitchen I heard that cry again, this time even louder. I saw her from a distance, her body thrown to the floor her backpack across the foyer. I could barely hear her as her words were muffled under her crying, “Brother shoved me!”
That darn trigger from her crying ballooned in my mind and body to the point where I had now become the frown from daughter’s face. Now rather than my daughter stomping, I was stomping! Until I stepped on a toy Lego (please tell me you know how much that hurts?). Never thought I would be grateful for that pain, but it certainly made me park myself on the couch nearby, and finally, in that moment, I took a pause. I took a small moment to stop and BREATHE! For a few minutes I focused on my breath and felt my heartbeat slow down, I looked up at my daughter and this time saw a completely different view. Rather than an unreasonable, overly sensitive, tantruming child that I had yet to deal with, I saw my sweet baby girl who was not feeling good in her head, her heart, and her body. I walked up to her and asked if I could hug her. She allowed and for about 90 seconds, I just held her in my arms, as she released her tears and I kept reminding her, “I see you’re upset, I’m here with you, I love you!” She perked up, ran off, and told me she wanted to read some of her schoolbooks she picked out. I was astonished as to what had just happened. There I sat blue bow in my hand, Lego print in my tender foot, calm in my heart, and curios!
So, what did happen? What she truly felt, we will re-visit at the end, but first a little run through of how I got there. I had found clarity in my pause to co-regulate with my child, by using my 3 C’s: Compassion, Consciousness, and Connection!
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Step 1: COMPASSION is a softening that allows us to turn inwards to truly connect with ourselves. A gentle inquiry of what do I need in this moment, what is my body telling me, how can I take care of myself to then take care of my people? I believe this begins with the breath! Breathing allowed me to drop from my head to my heart. This brought me to a place of compassion. And the first person that needed it was ME!
Step 2: CONSCIOUSNESS and Conscious Parenting. What does that mean?
CONSCIOUS PARENTING (CP) is a revolutionary new way of parenting that focuses on energetically connecting with our children, who in turn would not require much correcting. We seek to understand the emotions behind their words and behaviors.
When I saw my daughter upset and inconsolable, I was triggered. Triggers are like feathers, a tickle to help wake us up! What this moment woke me up to was the source of my trigger which stemmed from my inner child who had experienced wounding in the face of conflict. Suddenly I became aware and conscious of my own feelings. I took that crucial moment to parent myself and tell myself, “This feels hard right now, I understand that loud voices make me feel unsafe.” I gave myself space to feel triggered, and then release it: “I am safe now and I am no longer a helpless child. This is a hard moment, and we can do hard things!” This gave me the power and vulnerability to show up for my sweet girl, and I became a conscious parent.
Step 3: CONNECTION. Now that I had the power and vulnerability to show up for my daughter consciously, I was able to enter the parent role and hold space for my daughter. Her escalated emotions did not need to be taken away from her but simply witnessed. I was able to energetically just be with her while she felt her hard emotions. Connection is what ultimately fuels the human experience, to belong and be with one another as our most authentic selves.
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So again, what actually did happen? After she skipped away and buried herself in her books, the day went by rather smoothly. It was later that night when I tucked her into bed that I asked her about her big emotions. If there was anything she would be willing to share with me so I could better understand her. She began to tell me how at school one of the boys made fun of her hair and said she couldn’t play with the kids he was playing with. This broke my heart, as it evidently did hers, but I understood in that moment of connection that my sweet girl has hard days just like we adults do. Our children have little bodies, growing minds, and undeveloped brains without the ability to make sense of a hard situations, let alone work through them. Here is where we come in Mommas, we get to be that missing brain for them, by having compassion, consciously parenting them, and ultimately connecting with our little humans who sometimes warm our blood but mostly our hearts.
I went to sleep that night thinking, cool moms got nothing on me, as a Conscious Mom!
Hi my name is Mansi Parikh and I am a Certified Conscious Parenting Coach with a background in Communications and Psychology. I’ve had the privilege of training under Dr. Shefali Tsbary, a Clinical Psychologist and New York Times Best Selling Author of “The Conscious Parent”.
I am Mama Bear to 3 beautiful children (7-year-old boy/girl twins and a 3-year-old daughter). I run a successful Coaching practice working with parents and families looking to explore a deeper connection with their children and most importantly themselves. My clients have expressed profound changes in their inner experience and outlook towards life and their children.
I support families experiencing the following and so much more:
Healing childhood trauma
Positive discipline
Understanding and reducing behavioral issues
Sibling rivalry
Breaking generational patterns
Reducing parental anxiety, child anxiety
Developing confidence in parenting
Conflict resolution practices
Creating positive changes and ongoing results
I am passionate about creating space, open-ness, and acceptance within families. When the energetic presence of the parent changes, its serves as a catalyst for long term understanding and change from the child. As the parent furthers in their own healing, the child naturally reciprocates in their own energy fostering a more cohesive dynamic between parent and child.
Instagram: @coachingandcompassion
https://www.instagram.com/coachingandcompassion/
Email: coachingandcompassion@gmail.com
Website: www.coachingandcompassion.com