Home Birth After 2 C-Sections: Oak's Birth Story by Amanda

I am Mother to four children - Jasper (9), twins Sage and Willow (6) and Oak (2). My first two births were far from what I had envisioned. I had not yet built a community of women around me who had experienced undisturbed homebirths and I now realise how important this is. Jasper was a planned homebirth but at 36 weeks my midwife asked me to have an ultrasound and it was estimated that he was going to be 5kg. She then seemed worried about his size and asked me to have a hospital birth instead. This was extremely stressful for me as I had so much trust in her, I already had quite a lot of fear around birthing due to the way it is portrayed in modern day culture and to be honest, I was absolutely terrified. Her decision to change me to a hospital birth made me feel like she didn’t think I was capable of birthing at home and I was left feeling disempowered. I went into labour at 41 weeks. We went to the hospital and the minute I got there I was so scared. I was lifting upwards during my surges and had a very high pitched scream - I was trying to get away from the sensation instead of experiencing each surge as bringing my baby closer to being born. The hospital staff felt invasive, at one point one of them told me to stop screaming so loud or I'll lose my voice. Another told me if I had taken the pain meds I wouldn’t be in so much discomfort. After 15 hours I reached down and could feel Jasper’s head, I said to myself, oh no no no please don’t come out. I was so scared and my fear most certainly was a part of why I ended up in the surgery room. As the doctor performed the caesarean section, he said “There is no way that those hips could birth a baby.” In a way, hearing that made me feel like I hadn’t failed, and I began to believe that I just wasn’t made to be able to birth babies. And...by the way, he was not 5kg he was 4.12kg!  

I went on with life and then was pregnant with Sage and Willow 2 years 2 months later. My vision for a homebirth had deepened. We had even met some possible midwives but then when we found out I was having twins, my beautiful vision disappeared, as I could not find a midwife who would work with a woman who was expecting twins and a VBAC. After Jasper's birth, I knew I had a lot of emotional work to do, I still had so much fear, and now the fear had ramped up after finding out I was going to have twins. I found a private doctor who would break the protocol of a twin birth and ‘let’ me birth without an epidural. Each time I went in for my visit I felt the fear come up and deep down knew that I wasn’t going to be able to vaginally birth these babies. But I tried to prepare for it and I tried to do it naturally but the fear overtook me and ended in a caesarean section. 

Three years later I fell pregnant with Oak. By this time I had built up a community of women who had homebirthed, and was leaning on them for support. I found myself an experienced homebirth midwife, I knew that this was an integral part of me being able to have the undisturbed birth I had always dreamed of. I also had a doula and together, along with my husband, I had formed my birth team. They would come to our home for prenatal visits and it was so wonderful to just be in the environment that I was going to birth in. I did a lot of work to emotionally let go of my past birth experiences and build up my confidence in my body to bring this baby earthside. My labour began with a week of on and off surges, here confidence and excitement replaced doubt and worry, and at 43 weeks my labour properly began. I went downstairs, where I (and my friends) had set up the room with candles, flowers, affirmations and the birth pool. I got into the pool fairly soon, a few hours after the labour had begun. The warmth of the water felt SO soothing for me between surges and I would lean over the edge, close my eyes and enjoy the immensely relaxing state that the oxytocin would bring. I did not feel this at all in my previous births. Soon after entering the pool I felt my waters break, it was as though a water balloon had popped inside of me, and was quite a relieving feeling. I then felt urges to push, this was about 6 hours in, and I remember thinking “okay, it mustn't be much longer now”. But I think due to it being a first vaginal birth, my body needed to transition slowly. I could feel him move more and more down, I would get a stretching sensation. As hard as it was, it was welcoming as I knew my baby was moving closer to being in my arms.

A few more hours went by and my doula suggested that I change positions to help with progression. I really did NOT want to move out of the pool but  he was not in the ideal position, his chin was deflexed, tilted up and to the side and not in the tucked in position. I walked up and down the stairs a few times and with each surge I would squat with my legs really wide. I did this and went back into the pool as well. I never worried for me or my baby but there was a time of fear, fear of the unknown of just how much longer will this take and I started to doubt that my mind would not be able to carry my body through to the end. Words of encouragement helped me back on my way "Amanda this baby is coming no matter what, but will come a lot quicker if you find what it is that you're not letting go of".

Very soon after this, my 3 year old (at the time) Willow joined us. She brought her usual gregarious self but there was also a sense of compassion in her eyes when she looked at me, knowing Mama was doing some big work. Her presence reminded me of one of the reasons I want this birth, for my children, to normalise bringing back freedom in birthing. Freedom that can only come when a supportive space has been created. Where the woman can be held to process all she needs to in her own time. Because not only was I birthing my baby, I was given the space to rebirth myself. As soon as I emotionally let go of what was holding me back, my labour progressed. I moved up to the bathroom and sat backwards on the toilet with my arms on top where the flush button was. I could rest here and also have surges. Not long after this I felt him move down and felt pressure in my pubic bone. I reached down and could feel his head. I was overwhelmed with excitement now, as he really was close. I came out of the bathroom and my husband supported my weight during surges, still in a squatting position. I had absolutely no fear at all and was really enjoying pushing as I could really notice the progress, feeling his head more and more with each surge, until his whole head was out. “One more surge left and he will be here” I said to myself.

Oak was born just a few minutes later, in our home with my Mum and my three children there. It was the most profound experience of my life. After my previous disturbed labours that ended in caesareans, I feel blessed to have taken a very personal journey of a natural birth to heal what I felt needed healing through birthing.

Looking back on the two types of births I have had, I’ve learned that the most important thing is for a woman to feel safe. This can only happen in an environment where she is surrounded by people who know how she wants to birth, and to do all that they can to keep her undisturbed. This may look like a hospital birth for some women, or a homebirth for others. It doesn’t matter, if a woman is feeling supported and safe, and the vision of HER birth is acknowledged, then she will be gifted with the magic that birthing brings.

I am a Mother to four children - Jasper (9) twins Sage and Willow (6) and Oak (2). My husband and I homeschool with the most beautiful community in the Northern Rivers, Australia. I just completed my studies to become an Ayurvedic Health Counselor. I have fallen in love with this ancient wisdom and have just begun writing a book on Ayurveda's philosophy of the postpartum period, how to truly be nourished during this time. 

My instagram page is @sacredayurvedalife