How To Teach Your Children The Art Of Negotiation
Negotiation impacts how kids relate to adults as well as to each other. For kids, anything from trading toys to picking playmates, some may need a little consultation. To have a greater chance at social, academic, business, and financial success, it pays for kids to learn negotiation skills early on in life.
The problem is that skills from the best negotiation classes aren't usually taught in schools. The whole traditional learning model from kindergarten through college offers very little negotiation training. So, how can we teach kids about negotiation early on so they can maximize life's opportunities?
Encourage Kids to Think Through Requests
Kids usually have seemingly endless requests. "Mommy, I want a pony." "Daddy, I want a frog." "I want a TV in my room." "I want an iPhone.”
Sometimes the requests are reasonable, but other times kids ask for the most ridiculous stuff. As parents, you could make it a rule that kids should prepare some reasoning to back up or justify their requests.
Create informal negotiation classes where your kids learn how to plan out their justifications before asking for something. For example, instead of straight out asking for a pet frog, the child could explain the value of the frog as a home science project in observation. Prepare kids to have a backup plan and to keep counteroffers ready in case the first answer is a no.
Allow Kids to Save Face
Even as adults, we sometimes feel embarrassed when we ask for something only to be denied. For kids, a no could be ego-crashing, especially if their friends or siblings are watching.
Also, saying no too often can lead to resentment and plant the seed for future rebellion. Instead of saying no to a disagreeable choice, engage your kid in finding a more acceptable solution.
For example, imagine a situation where your pre-teen has prepared an unconvincing argument on why they should get a raise on their allowance. Instead of saying no to the increase, you could suggest ways your kid could earn the difference.
Maybe your child could mow the neighbor's lawn or do the family's laundry. This way, if the extra income is important to the kid, the extra chores lead to a win-win while saving the child from an embarrassing outright NO.
Working together to create win-win solutions is a crucial lesson in most adult negotiation classes, and is a great lesson in collaboration and confidence for children.
Lead by Example
Children learn best through observational learning. That is, kids imitate behaviors by listening and watching others. Kids are almost always observing other people's behavioral choices and the consequences of those behaviors.
If you and your spouse argue often, your kids will notice sooner or later. Mind how you interact with others outside the home when you want to get your way. If you're regularly taking oppositional points of view to those given by your kid’s class teachers, your kids might adopt the same attitudes.
Children may not imitate every behavior they see, but children are more likely to mirror those behaviors that come with some positive reinforcement. Make it a habit to negotiate amicably with your spouse and others in the house. Reward each other and your kids whenever they use negotiation to find win-win solutions.
Listen to each other's opinions respectfully and incorporate each other's ideas. Of course, tactful negotiations are beneficial for adults in the household as well as for kids.
Use Gamification
As your children grow, they are learning and developing social skills. Games can make learning more compelling than traditional classes, even where the skills seem complicated at first. Gamification significantly increases engagement and retention while improving motivation.
Imaginative play with others can allow for fun learning in a flexible environment. Most activities between you and your kid in and outside the home can lead to negotiation learning opportunities.
For example, you and your seven-year-old may be picking what they should wear for the day. Make it a game by selecting a slightly mismatched outfit and then asking the child which two items they could switch out for the outfit to match. Then, ask the child to explain why they chose the two items they swapped, and why their new choices are a better fit.
Giving reasons prepares the child to think through decisions rationally. Rational thinking prepares the child for future negotiations where logic trumps emotions. Other negotiation games for kids include:
Asking the child to clean up for a reward later. You may collectively decide on the type and size of the prize.
Allowing the child to pick dessert after Saturday dinner, if the whole week they eat their vegetables.
Open up a make-believe store in the living room or kitchen. Playing grocery store is not only fun but teaches kids about money, bargaining, and social skills.