Hyperemesis Gravidarum: My Story by Hailey Turnipseed
My unexpected miracle, has brought upon an onslaught of unexpected trials. In a time I thought would be filled with teeny baby clothes, and baby books; I have been trapped inside a body that seems to want nothing to do with my pregnancy. Currently sitting at 13 weeks, it feels as though I've been trapped at 6 weeks. Trapped in the hospital, in the moments where I heard the words that would make me question my womanhood and ability to mother. "Some women get morning sickness, and others have it very severely. You have hyperemesis gravidarum, and I can't tell you when it will subside - if at all."
I had heard about this illness, once before. A brave woman, Dr. LA Thoma, shared about it on her Instagram earlier this year. My heart broke into a million pieces for her, as I wondered how she even survived such a horrendous illness. These thoughts quickly rushed into my mind as my husband and I sat and listened to the doctor explain what my life might look like for the next 8 months. The baby was healthy, we presumed, and the sickness meant that my body and hormones were doing their job. So why did it feel like such a horrible thing? I had been fairly healthy, and changing my entire lifestyle upon conception. I have never had a serious illness, surgery, or ongoing sickness. I felt prepared to exercise regularly and eat a wholesome, well balanced diet.
Hyperemesis gravidarum doesn't care about how healthy you are. It doesn't care if you only want to eat greens, and drink nutrient filled smoothies every day. My survival instincts kicked into full gear in the weeks following my diagnosis, and the idea that my pregnancy would look entirely different than everyone else's hit me like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere, I began to vomit nearly all day every day. On my "good days" it only happens around 7-10 times a day. My bad days.. Well, I seem to lose count on those. I have lost a total of 30 pounds since the day I took my at-home pregnancy test. These aren't just normal, wake up in the morning and your stomach churns a bit episodes. These are violent episodes of vomiting where I have thrown out muscles in my back and neck, not been able to make it to the restroom in time, episodes where I don't even have the energy to sit and cry about how awful it feels. As a woman, my body is created to conceive and carry life. And in these last few weeks, I have felt betrayed by my own body and my motherly instincts. My constant thought throughout the day is typically, "If only I could just provide a few sips of water for my baby, without my body rejecting it… Please, keep it down."
Rare illnesses are more debilitating, and isolating, than I ever could have imagined. The toll that is being taken on my body, mind, and heart is much more than I ever expected. I love pregnancy with everything in me, it is what I was created to do. To every mother who has or currently is suffering from HG, know that you were created exactly for this. Your body is capable, your mind is capable. Most days I feel alone, most days I want to scream if one more person says to eat a saltine or drink ginger ale. Hyperemesis Gravidarum is not morning sickness - it is a rare illness that can affect mothers and babies. It means not being taken seriously by employers, family, friends, and especially doctors. It means advocating for yourself every step of the way, even when you are so dehydrated you can barely stand. When your blood pressure is so low, you faint.
It is in these moments, I love my body and what it was created to do. My body has survived an early pregnancy hemorrhage, and not being able to keep food or water down for 6 weeks, with no end in sight. Mothers just might be the strongest force on earth. Whether you suffer from an illness that can be seen, or it is an illness hidden from plain view, know that the strength that has been placed inside of you is waiting to be tapped into. Let the roar of motherhood and pregnancy be your war cry for the moments when life calls you incapable, or not enough. Let the driving force for your perseverance be the very life that is counting on your every breath.
My name is Hailey Turnipseed, and I am a 25 year old, first time mama. My husband and I reside in the great Grand Canyon state, where I am a full time student in pursuit of an English teaching degree. Reading and discovering great books is my number one passion. Followed by writing, photography, music, and learning the best way to live life as healthy and naturally as possible. In my free time you can usually catch me with a cup of peppermint tea, watching some sort of historical drama or curled up with my kindle. Throughout this pregnancy, I have found the most important things in life are who you surround yourself with and the priorities of your passions. My desire is to see every mother fully embrace what brings them joy, and closeness to who they are called to be.