Mealtime Mastery: Expert Tips for Parents with Picky Eaters By: Alicia “Chacha” Miller, MS, RD, LDN

How common is picky eating?

Picky eating is a common hurdle for parents of young children worldwide. Between ages 2 to 4, it's deemed a typical part of normal development, usually not a cause for major concern. That said, it doesn’t make navigating the challenges that come along with picky eating any less frustrating. 

As a pediatric registered dietitian and a mother to two young children (aged 16 months and 5 years), I'm intimately familiar with this stage both professionally and personally. Fortunately, I've acquired several effective tools and strategies that have helped me maneuver through this phase. These tactics can be valuable for turning mealtime battles around.

Before we get to the good stuff, let’s talk about what picky eating is and what it isn’t. 

What is picky eating?
The term picky eating encompasses various challenges in eating habits. It often involves resistance towards new or unfamiliar foods, and a strong preference for a limited range of choices. While peaking during toddler years (1-3 yrs), picky eating can last well into adulthood. It's essential to recognize that this behavior is entirely normal and not necessarily influenced by your actions. Even with the best strategies, having a picky eater isn't uncommon. So, ease the pressure off yourself—there are effective ways to navigate and overcome picky eating.

Beyond the scope of normal picky eating, there are some cases of extreme picky eating, typically characterized by consuming fewer than 20 foods, significant weight loss or stalled growth, complete avoidance of major food groups such as all fruits or vegetables, willingness to go days without eating, anxiety during meals, or strong emotional reactions to new or unfamiliar foods.

Some children might experience sensory processing disorders impacting their eating habits, leading to picky eating. Additionally, there's a distinct condition known as ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). Unlike typical picky eating, ARFID involves a psychological component. If you suspect your child faces challenges beyond typical picky eating, it's best to chat with your pediatrician or a registered dietitian for a targeted plan.

Division of Responsibility
Shifting your mindset might be the key to guiding your selective eater towards becoming an adventurous one. This small change, though it might require many deep breaths, can help alleviate anxiety and stress, offering a lasting transformation.

In my professional experience, picky eating often arises from a power struggle between parent and child. Enter the 'Division of Responsibility,' a concept by child feeding expert Ellyn Satter, defining roles in the feeding relationship.

As caregivers, our role isn't to control our children's bodies, especially during meals. Our responsibility lies in guiding and providing nutritious meals regularly. We decide what, when, and where to serve food. Conversely, our kids have the autonomy to choose whether and how much they eat.

This approach helps children understand their hunger cues, fostering a healthy relationship with food. It can be a learning curve for many parents to feed without pressure, lead by example and help foster an appreciation for diverse foods.

While navigating picky eating can be challenging, for most kids, it's a passing phase.

Top 10 Tips for Picky Eating
Now that we’ve laid the groundwork, let’s talk strategy. Here are my top 10 tips for parents of picky eaters: 

Create a Positive Environment
Cultivate a positive eating environment by engaging in lighthearted activities like cracking jokes, posing questions, or sharing stories. While food matters, it's not the sole focus! Cultivating a positive tone establishes a relaxed, low-pressure environment that encourages your child to feel at ease and more open to exploring new foods.

Offer Variety and Exposure
Repeated exposure is vital. Research indicates that it may take 8-10 exposures (sometimes more!) for a child to embrace a new food. Without the chance to experience it, they can't develop a preference for it. Introducing a variety of foods and persistently exposing them, even if initially refused, fosters acceptance. With time, this repetition can lead kids to become more receptive to trying new foods.

Involve Kids in Meal Preparation
Involving children in meal planning ignites their interest and curiosity about diverse foods. When they take part in meal preparation, it cultivates a sense of ownership, encouraging them to be more open and curious about exploring new tastes.

Be a Role Model
Parents as positive food role models set the tone for children's eating habits. When kids witness healthy eating behaviors, they tend to adopt similar patterns.

Give Them a Choice Between Two Foods
Offering your child a choice between foods, such as broccoli or carrots, empowers them to exercise their autonomy and decision-making skills. This sense of control often leads to feeling empowered, making them more inclined to try new, unfamiliar, or previously rejected foods.

Make Meals Fun
Creative meal presentations can help inject a dose of excitement into meals. By making mealtimes enjoyable, it fosters interest and curiosity in trying different foods. To elevate the fun factor, you can try shaping foods with mini cookie cutters or a crinkle cutter for added appeal or using food picks or interesting utensils.

Start Small
Avoid overwhelming your child with large servings of new or previously rejected foods. Start small to ease them in—just one broccoli floret is far less intimidating than an entire plate. This gradual approach allows a curious child to explore by touching, then maybe licking, and eventually tasting the food. Each step forward is a significant achievement!

Avoid Pressuring or Forcing
Avoiding mealtime pressure helps prevent worsening picky eating. Forcing children to eat can lead to negative food associations. Providing food without pressure is crucial. Studies indicate that pressured kids tend to eat less. If your child declines something, a simple "ok" can be a supportive response. Remember, during typical picky eating phases, kids are learning to assert themselves, forming opinions. While they might not control much in life, their food choices can be one area they feel empowered in.

Make Them Taste Good!
When it comes to food one of the best ways to engage picky eaters is by making it taste good! Enhance the flavor of any food by seasoning it well, serving it with a dip, adding butter & salt, grilling, baking, frying, making them crispy or crunchy, adding a dash of sugar, or smothering it in a sauce.

Seek Professional Guidance if Needed
If you are struggling with your child’s picky eating and it is causing extreme stress, do not hesitate to reach out to a professional for support. The support and guidance of a feeding professional can help address concerns and provide effective and targeted strategies.

Remember, every child is different and their preferences will vary. What works for one might not work for another. Stay patient, adaptable, and prioritize what works best for your child. Eventually, you'll overcome this phase, and mealtimes will become a brighter experience.

Alicia 'Chacha' Miller is a Registered Dietitian specializing in maternal, pediatric, and family nutrition. Chacha has a passion for health equity as her work is focused on bridging the gap in health disparities between historically marginalized communities of color and other races by making nutrition education available, accessible, and easy to understand.⁠ Chacha currently works as the Chief Nutrition Officer for telehealth nutrition start-up, Mother of Fact. She also manages her growing social media platform, @ItsTheCardamom. She is a military wife, mom of 2 girls, and her favorite food is tacos. 
www.thecardamomnutrition.com