Positively Shape Your World: Use virtues to create a better life by Karen Schuder, EdD, MDiv, MAM
Perspective influences everything. How we see and respond to the world around us determines the quality of life for ourselves and others. We can inspire or discourage. Despite our ability to choose perspective, we sometimes get stuck in attitudes negatively affecting life. Vera and Vi were great examples of the difference between choosing a positive attitude or getting stuck in a rut.
Vera and Vi were both 94-year-old widows who lived in the same care center. I often visited them to provide support and encouragement. As soon as I entered Vera’s room, she glowed and cheerfully called out, “I am so happy to see you!” She liked to compliment me saying, “You have such nice teeth!” As she sat in her wheel chair, she shared how wonderful the staff were, and proclaimed “I am so blessed.” Vera ended visits with hugs and “thankyous.” I always left her room with a big smile.
To get to Vi’s room, I walked down the beige hall adorned with an occasional nature picture. She lived in the same building, but was a world apart. As soon as I entered her room, she began a litany of complaints. “The staff doesn’t do enough.” “My children never visit me.” Vi usually ended my visits with “Don’t take so long to visit me again.” I inwardly groaned. Her lack of gratitude and abundance of complaints made it difficult to look forward to future visits.
The contrast in perspectives illustrates the power of perspective. Vera inspired me to be a better person and made it easy to reciprocate care. Vi, on the other hand, inspired me to not be like her. Both women suffered from a myriad of losses and challenges, yet how they saw and interacted with the world dramatically affected quality of life. Vera’s positive attitude fostered mutual gratitude, care, and hope.
Positive perspectives seldom just happen, but result from choosing to respond a certain way. Virtues, qualities that are good for society, can help us interact in positive ways even when it is hard to do so. I want to be clear that we should not just pretend to feel a certain way and sometimes we need medical help to change how we feel. I am referring to the possibility of choosing to respond with virtues such as gratitude, joy, hope, care, and kindness. We actively participate in how others see and respond to us.
Do you want to increase a positive influence? Use important virtues to aid in your effort.
Choose 2-3 important virtues. All virtues are good, but we each have some that speak louder. Look up a list online and determine which ones you really want to reflect. How do you want others to remember you? Chances are the answer includes important virtues. Write down the virtues and make reminders. Keep a list in your wallet or put them on your cellphone screen.
Imagine yourself responding in various situations with the chosen virtues. Mental rehearsal helps us respond with new behaviors in daily life. Promote balance by thinking about how to reflect virtues to yourself as well as others. For example, showing kindness to others and yourself expands a positive influence.
Notice opportunities to reflect important virtues then respond accordingly. Remember what is important before reacting, especially when falling into unhelpful habits. Intentional responses reflecting important values and virtues help us feel better about ourselves and connect with others in healthier ways.
Changing how we think and respond can be difficult, so be persistent. Offer yourself a hug and encouraging words when you do not act as desired. Give yourself a pat on the back when you reflect what is important, especially when it is hard. Create the influence you want others to remember and be inspired by. You will positively shape the world and experience more of the joy life has to offer.
This article contains excerpts from Resilient and Sustainable Caring published by Whole Person Associates.
Karen Schuder, EdD, MDiv, MAM, has extensive experience promoting resilience and role sustainability through public speaking and coaching. Years of helping people during traumatic times, leading organizations, and working globally inform her work with people in personal and professional helping roles. Karen offers life-changing concepts and practical strategies with an enjoyable, interactive approach. Check out Resilient and Sustainable Caring: Your Guide to Thrive While Helping Others. Learn more about how to foster a purpose driven culture characterized by resilience, positivity, and decreased anxiety at www.karenschuder.com.