Sharing My Ectopic Pregnancy Story

Today is pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day.

In April this year, we had an ectopic pregnancy. A roller coaster of emotions where I was pregnant one day, in pain the next, told I was still pregnant another day, confirmed ectopic a week later, mysterious growth (potentially cancerous) a week later, reconfirmed ectopic days later, followed by a termination. Countless blood tests, scans, visits to Women’s and Children’s Hospital and heavy-hearted conversations over a heartbreaking 7+ weeks.

The day I found out, I had a faint line on a pregnancy test. I remember messaging my sister, who was pregnant at the time. We were both so excited that “we would be in it together.” I had decided to keep it from my husband and surprise him on his birthday. I had it all planned out, I bought a personalised t-shirt online which I would give to him on the day.

Things took a turn for the worst in the next 24 hours when I started spotting. My sister tried to keep me positive by suggesting it was implantation bleeding - but deep down I felt it was something more sinister. Then the pain started. It was at this time I told my husband.

It was like period pain but worse. Like labour pain but again, almost worst as it came with sickening worry. At 4 am I took myself to the hospital, women’s emergency.

It was so early in the pregnancy that the midwives were confused. I had a positive pregnancy test yet I was experiencing what seemed like a period. They took bloods, confirming I had HCG in my system (albeit low) yet couldn’t explain the pain. They gave me codeine (on an empty stomach, which I had never had before) and one midwife made the comment “I guess you must be having a miscarriage.” Hours passed and a doctor came in “we aren’t sure what’s happening. We can send you home and give you a referral for a scan, or you can wait and have one here.” I couldn’t believe they had considered sending me home. At this point I was a shell of a human being, doubled over in the foetal position. I opted to stay. Minutes later another midwife came in and gave me more codeine. A few more hours passed and they took me for a scan. At this point, I felt nauseous and unstable. I had been in emergency for approx 10 hours - two lots of codeine and no food. They wheeled me up to ultrasound.

Crazily enough at that point, I wasn’t even concerned about what they would find. I was concerned about someone I knew seeing me. I felt weak and nauseous and I was being wheeled in a chair - I hated the vulnerability. The Sonographer was concerned about how I presented and asked the midwife to stay. I changed into a gown and she commenced the scan. I watched her face which gave away little. Suddenly, she hit a spot which brought on pain. I wriggled, nausea became more intense and I could feel my palms sweat. “Sorry, I am going to have to get my superior.” I waited with the midwife until three more people came in the room, they recommenced the internal scan, going straight back to the spot that was uncomfortable. After poking and prodding for what seemed a lot longer than it was, the superior finally said “sorry, you have an ectopic pregnancy.”

They decided to discharge me and “wait and see” what happens. Having never experienced such a thing before, I had no idea what to expect. Having driven myself to hospital, I questioned my ability to drive myself home after the double dose of codeine and no food - the midwives assured me I would be fine. I knew I wasn’t, illustrated by the fact that the minute I stepped outside I vomited in the car park. Luckily, I don’t live far from the hospital and managed to get myself home. On doing so, went straight to the bathroom and was sick again, my husband coming in to help me. At this point I was naked, vomiting, crying and had wet myself all at once.

I was told I had to have a blood test every two days to see what my HCG levels were doing. The following weeks saw my HCG getting as low as 3 “basically negative.” To be honest, I was just relieved it was (what I thought) was over.

A week or so passed, I was at work one day and the hospital rang. They questioned why I hadn’t had my bloods done and I explained that I was told I was basically negative. They stressed I needed to have another to make sure. To be honest, I didn’t think much of it, I felt ok physically - so without any thought, took myself to get a blood test. Low and behold, got home that afternoon and the hospital rang again, my HCG had risen and I needed to present to the hospital ASAP for another scan.

That evening, part of me thought it was all a mistake. Part of me thought that perhaps I was pregnant and it was all a misunderstanding. The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that I was going to have this baby, I even had my husband convinced, too.

The next day, I had the scan. Despite not having any codeine in my system this time, it didn’t stop the nausea and sweats - especially when the sonographer hit the “spot”. The spot being a growth in my tube, a baby that was still trying to grow. I presented back to emergency post-scan as requested and was met with a doctor. “This isn’t like anything we have seen before, we haven’t known HCG levels to rise and fall and rise again so dramatically.” They had decided to refer my case to the head of gynaecology.

As I waited for her, I didn’t really know what to think. I definitely wasn’t prepared for what she had to say. “I haven’t seen anything like this, we have referred your case to the head of gynaecology at (another) hospital as we believe it could be a cancer excreting HCG.” For which, they took my tumour markers, asked me to take a few days off work until they worked it all out.

So I have cancer?

No word of a lie - I spent that weekend planning my funeral. Questioning what I had done so bad in my life, to deserve this.

3 days passed and the hospital rang for me to come in for another scan. Same feelings, same emotions, same result - growth still present.
I met with the head of gynaecology again, who informed me that my tumour markers were “fine”- So glad I spent three days thinking I had cancer - and they were back to treating it as an ectopic pregnancy. What a whirlwind.

Given this, they decided it needed to be terminated via a ‘Methotrexate’ injection - a drug used to also treat forms of cancer. Within hours, this was being administered.

Post injection, I went home and felt empty. For the weeks following I had to have blood tests every 48 hours to monitor my HCG levels. Every time I went in, the nurses found it harder to get blood as my veins were so batted and bruised. Every time I hoped it was the last time - three weeks later, my levels had finally gone to zero. I was told my body would “absorb it” however once my levels had dropped, I bled. It wasn’t a normal period. I couldn’t help but think that was it - a baby.

For the most part of this ordeal, I still fronted up to work, parented (with the amazing support of my husband) and remained reasonably connected to family and friends. However in reality I was feeling traumatised, isolated, confused and overwhelmed. I didn’t (and part of me still doesn’t) want people to know what I was going through. I thought my body had failed me. My husband and I are so fortunate to have two, happy and healthy girls, so I was so lost as to why it couldn’t “just happen” so easily again.

I thank those for sharing their stories and by doing so, giving me the confidence to share my mine. I echo those in saying, I am not sharing for empathy or sympathy but to also create awareness and for others to know, you’re not alone - experiences like mine occur every 1/4 pregnancies.

24.12.21