Six Ways to Lessen Empathy Fatigue in Uncertain Times By Tara Cousineau, PhD
People often ask me if I think people are less empathetic in today’s world. It’s a good question. After all, just a quick glance to the daily news or a social media feed is a sure-fire way to trigger feelings of doom and gloom.
Another senseless tragedy? Political implosion? Irritation toward an unsuspecting family member or co-worker maybe? Low grade chronic stress? An urge to run for the hills to hide? I’m with you. On more than one occasion I have told my friends that I’ll be moving to Canada, or even better, to cozy Denmark where the supposed happy people live.
We can’t help but want to rumble or retreat in the face of danger — real or imagined. Our brains are wired to scan for threats and that is essentially a good thing. But prolonged experiences and exposure to suffering can lead to empathy fatigue and detachment (for example, among caregivers, first responders, and people living in traumatic conditions). Doom scrolling doesn’t help, either.
The other downside to giving too much attention to what ails us in the world will surely provoke your inner cynic (or other inner parts that have something to say). Pessimism can take hold. Anxiety can spike. Empathy can hide. And that’s not such a good thing.
Instead, there are ways to redirect your attention in ways that allow you to hold what is both difficult in the world and what is beautiful.
Pay Attention to Your Attention — If there is something that truly ails our culture it is not a lack of empathy, it’s a matter of attention. We’re scattered; we’re overexposed to negative media; we’re addicted to busyness; and stress levels are chronically high. We can forget to pay attention to the very things that matter and bring us joy. It takes practice to redirect attention to the people and moments we can appreciate in our daily lives. There’s so much good in the world if we are open to seeing it.
Practice Kindfulness — When difficult reactions arise, such as upsetting thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, and bodily irritations, your body is sending out important signals that it’s time to pause. My favorite word is “kindfulness,” which is being aware of the present moment with heart. Honor this innate emotional intelligence. Name your experience for what it is. For example “I’m angry.” “This is despair.” “I feel helpless.” Cultivate self-compassion for those hard moments in your day.
Make Room for the Inner Cynic — If you didn’t care about the wellbeing of someone or something, you wouldn’t be upset in the first place. The voice inside, the one lamenting that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket, is trying to protect the vulnerable part of you that wants so much to be safe, to belong, and to feel empowered. Your cynic is also a messenger, so listen with curiosity and an open heart. Fresh ideas will arise. Add in a good dose of gratitude for what you are able to offer (attention, time, money, a helping hand, etc.) and the inner cynic is sure to be quelled.
Align with Your Integrity — Amazing things can happen as a result of befriending your inner cynic. You can ask yourself: “How can I bring kindness to this moment?” “How can I love and resist at the same time?” “What are my values?” “How can I take meaningful action?” The fact of the matter is that our hearts can’t manage all the suffering in the world. But we can learn to manage our own difficult emotions. It means taking gentle care of yourself by giving time to restore, rest and respond with clarity.
Grow a Kind Mind — We can purposely cultivate compassion without being overcome by emotional distress. I call this kindsight, or viewing life experiences with tenderness and understanding. Compassion practices, like a daily loving kindness meditation, help to broaden and cultivate warm and caring feelings toward ourselves, others, and the whole of humanity. Community practices, such as volunteering or simply helping out in the neighborhood or local school, are direct ways to put kindness in action.
It’s not easy being human. But you can put on the proverbial oxygen mask before helping others.
Tara Cousineau, PhD, is a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, coach, and entrepreneur. She is trained in mind-body-energy medicine and is a certified meditation teacher. She is the founder of KindMinds.co, a consultancy that helps high achieving professionals struggling with perfectionism, stress and burnout and to live with more ease and joy. She is author of The Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World. For more information visit www.taracousineau.com, Linked In and Instagram.