The Hard Realities of Parenting That We Eventually Need to Face by Alita Blanchard
Parenting changes us - its meant to, but we often aren't prepared for the intensity of the change required. We aren't aware that it is a rite of passage and we are often diving in unprepared and lacking wise mentors and elders to support us on the emotional and physical journey rollercoaster that is parenting. While each parent's journey is unique, there are some common realities that, when faced, offer immense opportunities for growth and healing.
Parenting Is More About You Than Your Kids
Your children will inevitably trigger parts of you that you may not want to acknowledge—the suppressed anger, shame, anxiety, and grief that you’ve been carrying for years. Eventually, you'll have to confront these parts of yourself. Though it may seem daunting, this process of self-reflection and emotional unpacking is where deep growth happens. The more you're willing to look inward, the more space you create for authentic connection with your children.
Every Child Is Unique
One of the hardest things for parents to accept is that no two children are the same. They show up with their own unique characteristics, feelings, values, and predominant nervous system responses, such as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Some children need to be held, while others need space. Some cry to release their feelings, while others throw tantrums or have meltdowns. Some are anxious, some are aggressive, and others might try to control their environment. Regardless of how they express themselves, they are good kids at heart, each one deserving of understanding and support.
You Will Be Judged—No Matter How You Parent
In today's world, no matter how you choose to parent, someone will have an opinion about it. Whether you’re authoritative, permissive, gentle, harsh, trauma-informed, or dysregulated, people will judge. Some will be vocal, some will be subtle, but judgment is inevitable. The key is learning to sit with that discomfort, aligning with your own values, and letting go of the need for external approval.
Nervous System-Informed Parenting Is Crucial
A regulated nervous system is key to your mental well-being—and your child’s. Many of us carry suppressed feelings from our own childhoods and don’t know how to regulate ourselves when overwhelmed, overstimulated, or anxious. Before you can truly help your child navigate their big emotions, you need to learn tools to regulate yourself. This process starts with recognizing your own patterns and triggers and finding ways to build more regulated energy within you, even in the midst of chaos. And this is a pratice - with many missteps and messy days.
Your Attachment Wounds Will Show Up
Whether you have anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment patterns, these will inevitably show up in your parenting. This isn’t a failure; it’s an opportunity to understand yourself more deeply. By reflecting on your own childhood and building a coherent narrative of your experiences, you can begin to heal and become more present for your children.
Feeling Safe, Seen and Soothed Safety are Non-Negotiables
Just as your children need to feel safe, seen, and soothed to develop secure attachment, so do you. However, in a world that undervalues parenting and especially motherhood, creating that kind of support system can feel incredibly difficult. Learning how to receive co-regulation from others and cultivating the ability to self-regulate is crucial. And while it takes time and effort, it is absolutely possible.
Parenting as a Rite of Passage
Parenting is not just about raising children—it’s a rite of passage for you as well. Like any significant journey, it’s full of joy, pain, play, stress, anxiety, grief, change, and transformation. It requires surrender, growth, and purpose. While it’s not always easy, this ongoing process offers the opportunity for deep personal evolution.
It’s a Practice in Surrender, Repair, Compassion, and Slowing Down
Throughout your parenting journey, you will continually need to practice:
Surrender: Letting go of the illusion of control.
Repair: Knowing that you will mess up, but learning how to make things right afterward.
Compassion: First for yourself, and then for your children, especially on difficult days.
Slowing Down: In a world that constantly pushes for more—more achievement, more productivity—parenting teaches you the art of slowing down and being present.
You don’t have to be a perfectly calm, always regulated parent. Life can be wobbly, and you will be too. What matters most is whether you can stay present and attuned enough through the rough patches, offering your children the emotional safety they need to thrive.
Parenting is not a role you simply perform; it’s a continual invitation to grow. It’s a practice in love, patience, resilience, and learning how to hold space for both your children’s emotions and your own. The journey is full of challenges, but within those challenges lies the potential for profound transformation—for both you and your child.
Alita Blanchard, The Aware Mama Based on the NSW Central Coast, Alita is a mother of 4 boys and is a nervous system informed Holistic Counsellor, Parent Coach, Rites of Passage and Women’s Circle facilitator. She provides parenting support, listening time, mother circles, parenting programs and 1:1 individualised support.
Website - www.theawaremama.com.au
Instagram: @alitablanchard_